General Chat

My friend was a victim of DV, she bumped in to my mum whilst out shopping and tried to hide a black eye she had. My mum spotted it and she broke down and told her everything, it was only when the injunction was put in place, that it all came out, he'd tried to strangle her and had even started on the young kids they had. That was over 10 yrs ago,and she's a much better person now. I have also just found out that a girl who comes to my mums and tots had been in hiding with her two boys. He beat her up, her mum found out, it had been going on for a while, she was always hit where no one could see. But he took one step too far this time, he pulled a chunk of her hair out with his teeth and made her pick it out of his mouth whilst she was on her knees. How horrible is that. She's only about 22 and been with this guy since being 17. It make me sick to hear of these stories. These people need help. catherine xx

Catherine, i have mums with chilren come into the centre with just the clothes they are standing in,mum is usually cut and bruised, children are frightened and upset, they are normally sent to me from the housing dept, as they are in effect Homeless. It is heartbreaking, they come to me ,and it gives them what i call healing time and breathing space to decide what they want to do about their situation. I do not run a refuge, i run a homeless centre, but i am there to pick up the peices when need be.There is help out there, trouble is not enough people know where to go to get it.

Oh Shirley You must be a very strong person, and you must meet some very hurt people. I applaud what you are doing to help these women. My friend was close to my mum, as she helped her sort thing out financially and with the relevant authorities, I was the shoulder to cry on. She's a much stronger person now, eventhough she has never met anyone else serious again, I think she's still always wary. catherine xx

I am only strong infront of those that need me to be ,inside i am crying with them, and when alone i shed a tear for them. Its not that i am strong, its i do what i have to do when it is needed. Shirley Ann.

Thanks for your advice and concern folks, and those who have mailed me. My doctor does know what is happening, so do many of my friends and the neighbours too, also oh's father and sons. I do have a house, but because my ocd has become much worse over the time I have met him,(was bad before too) it is not habitable at present, also I need a new boiler as it never worked properly from the time it was put in. A court case was set up but two weeks from the start, the plumber managed to wangle legal aid so mine was stopped and I could not proceed further. There is no heating or hot water, I can get round it when I can clear enough things to get someone in to fix everything, but that is the problem . With my fibromyalgia and cfs I do not have the energy to clear much at a time. I am too embarrassed to have anyone come round to do it with me, and even o.h. has never been inside my house, even before I moved here and was just seeing him at weekends. So a bit of a catch 22 situation but I will get there and then you will see the flags go up on here! Trouble is I will have to find the money for a computer too and a car as both are his, that I use now. Both high priority items. I am strong, he does not get away with a lot, don't worry, it happens about once or twice a month, but I WILL SURVIVE. I will get my life back. love Liz

When I was a victim of DV I was told I was stupid and no one would want me also marked where no one could see but that is what they do so your are not confident and it does affect you but I got my confidence back by doing NVQ in buisness admin which I got level 2 and I am with a lovely guy now. I still think why didn't I leave before now but it took my ex attacking my 10yr old to get up and go. PP you think positive and when you are ready you will know when like I did

I vividly remember seeing a programme about Domestic Violence (er - why dont we call it what it is, Wife Beating?). The expert on there told the woman this: Next time your husband comes home roaring drunk, wait your chance, push him down the stairs, beat him within an inch of his life and then say 'Sorry darling, I didnt mean to do it, you know I love you really'. That put it into perspective for me. PP - I havent been the victim of physical abuse, but suffered verbal abuse for years. I lived a nice life, with every material thing you could possibly want. One day I woke up and had crossed some sort of invisible line. Nothing material mattered, I walked out with literally the clothes on my back. It doesnt matter what state your house is in - walk away, while you still can. Olde Crone