General Chat

Mel, there you are, you knew those presents would turn up. But why in the charity bag? curiouser and curiouser"
Hope you have not done a Mary Poppins while sorting the chickens.

Gill, I need to re-read your post again as I got confused. I assume that Michelle needs to be able to open a bank account for Sandra so that her disability money (Not sure what it is called now DVLA, or PIP) can be paid in. But doesn't Sandra already have a bank account so wouldn't need to open a new one. Or is it for the carers money? Sorry I am confused as I didn't know Sandra was adopted. however, one thing doesn't alter, as adoptive parents you are her legal guardians and she is a vulnerable adult so it seems to me that, unless you wish it, she should not be taken off by Michelle to live with them. And, as a vulnerable adult Sandra is not really capable of giving her permission I don't think because she would not understand all the problems and ins and outs.

It sounds as if your anxiety has caused you to be mildly agraphobic. I had a friend (sadly she died last year), who developed this through anxiety when she was 13. She managed to control it by always having a safe place or safe person in her mind. e.g. their car was her safe place if they went out so, as long as she could get back easily to her car she felt safe. I think the suggestion is to start (as the doctor says) by going out as far as the front gate, then a few steps further at a time stopping and returning when you start to feel unsafe. And doesn't your OH help you with this. I wonder if there are any support groups in your area? Yes, you definitely need to speak to a social worker. <3 <3

Afternoon All,

Gill it sounds as if you have given up on Sandra coming home already. Obviously Sandra must have basic care, but doesn't Michelle need a reality check about how her life will be now and why should you assist and make it easy for her in this cruel thing she has done. She needs to find out how hard it can be through experience, just like you did. I know it's hard, but if things go a bit badly for them, they will realise sooner that looking after Sandra isn't a piece of cake and she is more likely to come back to you if she doesn't like it there. Just as they want to get a house too, and Sandra's contribution and the Carer's Allowance will help, never mind that they have taken money income from you at the same time! It sounds more like their financial planning than concern about Sandra to me. Have you asked where they plan to move to....further away still? After I asked and found out that only Michelle had a little part time work, I wrote in my post last night that it seemed like money was the motive, but deleted it as it seemed mean. Now I wonder!

If I had been Social Services I would have thought for them to help Sandra find some way to join a group or have a social life where she is would be the first step, before considering uprooting her from all she has ever known and moving her such a distance from her parents and their support. The way it has happened doesn't add up.

I think I more or less guessed you didn't cope with going far Gill and I sympathise and understand how difficult travelling to see Sandra would be, but that makes it all the worse what Michelle has done as she knows this. Only seeing Sandra 3 times a year doesn't sound enough. Surely there is a mobility component in Sandra's PIP that covers her travel needs? I hope you will have some more promising news after your phone call tomorrow.

About her part ownership of your home. When you sell up to move, if that goes ahead, I presume she will receive her share of the value of your property after her share of the mortgage is deducted?

I remembered in the early hours that our glass topped table was still on the patio in the middle and got up to see if it had blown over but it was ok. Then I looked out of the window on the front to see if the Pine tree was alright and it was.

I must have no brains as I went out to get milk and the papers. There were a few tree branches down that had been pulled onto the verges and a big plastic planter was in the gutter. I then decided to drive to the factory shop, 17 miles away, but avoided the lane by the golf course as it is narrow with some huge trees each side and went the main road route instead. When I got out of the car the wind nearly took the door out of my hand and my hair looked like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz!! Just after I got home it got really squally and thrashed it down with rain, but it is dry and calm now. Like Mel I tried to get a photo, but the rain on the window was all I got.

Sorry you have had a bad back Vera and I hope it gets a bit easier soon. Your friend's saying is one that OH often says if I complain about aches or pains! Have you tried those heat patches on your back? Since Jane told me about them a few years ago I keep some handy as they are good. Yes I think your OH will have struggled walking in this wind. It was enough for me getting from the car to the shop and everyone inside seemed to have the same mohican hairstyle as me!! lol.

I hope James manages to enjoy the concert Jane, Is Fitz busy as it sounds more like something he might enjoy? If it is as calm where you are as it is here now they should be fine. Good luck with your consultant appointment tomorrow

Frank the wind earlier would have blown you over so you have been in the best place inside. Your lamb dinner sounds nice, my favourite, although you rarely see it on menus around here. How is she doing with the poppies? I keep picturing you covered in them from head to toe. I have a pattern and keep meaning to do me a beaded one. It hadn't occurred to me about the chinese shop owners being back in China for their New Year.

Mandy the wind would have blown the little ones over so best they stayed put. Have you started on any of those crochet patterns in the books you got yet? I hope you make a maggot at some stage as I'm dying to see one!

They were in the charity bag because when I bring the shopping in with presents underneath I go in the uti room and he had walked in so I bunged them in the nearest black bag and can remember saying to myself "I shall never remember where they are". Then when he is in bed I usually transfer them to my usual place behind the chimney breast in a Morrisons bag but I must have been tired and forgot to do it.

Survived the chicken run.

Oh my goodness Mel!!! Fancy you finding them and the magnetic tray would be great for your OH. Christmas all over again.......he'll have to get you some more clay and dies!! lol I'm still hopeful I'll find my stick, especially when I empty out some drawers again!

Hang in there Gill, you are doing really well. I won’t speculate more about Michelle’s motives or try to offer too much advice as I obviously don’t know all the ins and outs of the situation and what has happened in the past but you seem to be doing all the right things. I assume your OH adopted Sandra? I hope everything can get sorted out quickly so you can be reassured that Sandra is being given the right care and you can see her frequently and in time have her back with you <3 <3

OH got back OK a little earlier than I expected. We had our roast and then he did all the clearing up. Since then he has been hovering around me, offering to make me cups of tea and fetch pillows for my back. I could get used to this pampering :-D

Ann, we did have some heat patches but we seem to have run out so I’ll get a couple in the morning. By the way, thanks for telling me about the Angel’s Blush Lychnis. I googled it and think it’s very pretty so I might get hold of one anyway. I am sure I will find a spot for it somewhere. I’ve only seen the magenta coloured one before.

Well done on finding your scissors and Christmas pressies Mel. Isn’t it odd when things disappear for weeks and then suddenly reappear in a really strange place? Oh, it’s the postmark which says Chester which made me think my card came from Gill.

I’m doing this on my iPad and I have just noticed it’s really low on charge. As I have a couple of library books on it and I’ll want to be reading later I had better go and plug it in. Hope you all have a good night’s sleep and sweet dreams.

Saying “sweet dreams” has reminded me of a dream I had recently that I meant to tell you about. We (the people on this thread) had all met up in some rural area. There were fields and woods and ponds and we were all calling out and hunting around because we had lost Mandy. The weird thing was that I knew who you all were but you had no faces. I was getting more and more upset because we couldn’t find Mandy anywhere. I woke up at that point. What on earth made me dream that :-S?

I wonder if it was because I said we had'nt heard from Many on the thread Vera? The woods and ponds are here in Devon so you sound like you were in the right place for me at least. Not sure about us all being there though! Its funny what you dream sometimes is'nt it?

Ann I have pm'd you.

Gazebo has survived its frist day of gales. :-D

Jane hope the results are good tomorrow. Shall be thinking of you and sending love. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Vera isn’t it strange when you dream about people on here and you know who they are but don’t see their faces? I have done too but not with this thread.
And don’t you find your IPad always wants charging just when you need it?

Your OH obviously had a guilty conscience after sloping off for a drink in the storm, just enjoy the attention.

I wonder if it was because I said we had'nt heard from Mandy on the thread Vera? The woods and ponds are here in Devon so you sound like you were in the right place for me at least. Not sure about us all being there though! Its funny what you dream sometimes is'nt it?

Ann I have pm'd you.

Vera yes the card is off me and Sandra, she made the card for you so I hope you like it. I posted yours Mel's and Mandy's all together as I didn't want to forget to post them on time with everything that's going on here at the moment.

We now may have another problem as I think Michelle and Michael are going to persuade Sandra to sell her share of the property. Hopefully back to us rather than someone else. I don't think they realised that Sandra still had to pay a few bills connected to this place and are probably thinking if she pays those it's less money they can get their hands on.

I'm almost sure the reason they want her with them is so they can use her money to buy a property of their own. Michelle told me today they are saving a deposit to buy a place as they rent at the moment. Of course I can't prove this, but it does look to OH and I like it's their intention. Time will tell I suppose.

I know it looks as if I have given up, but that's not the case. Sandra is a people pleaser and will tell people what she thinks they want to hear, rather than what she really wants.

Because of all my experience with Sandra I could tell she wanted to stay there but didn't want to upset OH and I, so I made it easier for her to tell me what she really wanted by asking her in a way she could tell me the truth without her thinking it was a bad thing and would of upset her mum and dad.

It really hurt me to help her like that but I didn't want her to feel that what ever she decided she was going to hurt someone, so I made out it was okay and if ever she changed her mind she could come back. The last thing I wanted for her was to be piggy in the middle trying to please everyone, which was impossible to do anyway.

I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was relived and now hopefully she'll be happy rather than worrying about giving us an answer. I'm trying to do what's best for Sandra even though I feel like running to her and bringing her back, but that would be a selfish thing to do as it would be what I want and it's not about me.

What is that saying " IF YOU LOVE THEM LET THEM GO AND THEY'LL COME BACK" or something like that. The last thing I want is for Sandra to end up hating me because I took her away from her sister and brought her back to us. She would probably run away if I did that anyway. This way if she doesn't like being with her sister she knows our door is always open for her. All I want is for her to be happy, even if I don't know what I'm doing at the moment. I just hope I haven't made a mistake and end up losing her altogether as that would break my heart.

In answer to your question AnnG, Sandra does have a bank account but not a bank card, we helped her with her money by transferring it to our account and drawing it out for her. Obviously Michelle can't do that as she doesn't have access to either Sandra's or our bank accounts. Sandra can't draw money out over the counter as she doesn't have any ID which is why they need her birth certificate, (which has gone missing) for them to prove who she is.

No doubt they use the birth certificate to obtain a passport for Sandra, which will have her photo on it. That way she will be able to draw her own money out of her own account. At least that's the impression I'm getting off Michelle. The only other thing is I think Michelle wants to close Sandra's account down and open up another one for what ever reason, which I don't think is necessary.

As for Sandra's adoption, Sandra is from my previous marriage, so when I married OH we both had to adopt her as my surname had changed, even though I'm her biological mother.

I'm sure in time everything will work out for the best, but in the meantime I'm going to ask SS to keep an eye on her and to let me know how's she's getting on from time to time, I'll also ask them about how much contact I can have with Sandra.

With her being an adult I'm sure it's going to be different than if it was a child. I'm expecting them to say it's up to Sandra how much she wants to see me, she may well be okay with 3 times a year, so I won't have a say in it. But if it's found out that Michelle is stopping Sandra from having contact with us then that is a different matter. I just think having SS involved would be best for everyone as they would be a go to person for Sandra and us if it's needed.

I'm still trying to sort everything out and have just had a shock at how much our council tax is going to be for the following tax year, it's around £2000 more than I thought it was and we're in council tax band G when I thought we were in B. I'm sure I've got it wrong somewhere after looking online, so might give them a ring tomorrow as well to find out exactly how much it's going to be as Sandra is responsibly for a third of it.

I'm also looking into buying Sandra's share off her if it comes to it as I don't want her to sell it to someone else, especially Michelle's boyfriend, the last thing we want is to be co owners with him. Although we're not sure if he can actually afford it as we definitely can't at the moment and he's out of work so couldn't get a loan for the amount Sandra's share would be. I don't think Michelle could afford it either. So hopefully things will stay as they are for now until we can afford it, but of course that depends on whether Sandra wants to sell, after all it's up to her and has nothing to do with Michelle and Michael, that is between Sandra OH and I.

Anyway lots to sort out and more things to think about as each day goes by, but for now I'll ring the carers allowance people in the morning and SS. I'll worry about the rest of it if and when I have to. I will however be getting a valuation on this place so at least we know how much Sandra's share is as we only have a rough guess at the moment. I should imagine if the property has gone up in value then her share will have to.

I'm so sorry I haven't caught up with the posts yet, there are so many and I'm so busy trying to sort everything out, my mind is all over the place. I will try and read some of them when I get the chance. I hope everyone is okay

Thanks Mel. I wonder who is letting a dog like that roam about, unless he is good at escaping on his own. You don't really want him sniffing round the chickens in case he gets too interested. Have you asked Em if she knows who he belongs to?

Hello Vera........from one of the 'faceless ones!'. :-D What a strange dream, but then they often are! Yes it sounds like your OH was trying to get in your good books after ignoring your good advice. . Mine was reprimanded this morning after giving me a list of what he wanted bringing from the shop. He had added various newspapers that weigh a ton on Sundays with all the supplements, other things and we needed milk etc. All heavy to carry for my poor knees. I sweetly reminded him that when I am ill, no-one prepares nice meals for me or runs errands as they are usually not there a lot of the time and have gone off to a footie match or meeting. It must have struck a chord as he was dressed and had hoovered the bathroom floor after trimming his beard when I got back and was asking if he could do anything to help and saying what he will do when he is feeling better. He still has a nasty cough but it has been less today and he has rested most of the day and had an early night which will do him good.

Yes tablets do tend to do that, also cameras just when you spot a nice shot!

Night night and hope we sleep well now that gale seems to have blown over. I hope Gill manages to sleep ok. xx

Yes, I can see where you are coming from in dealing with Sandra as you know her so well, in fact the best Gill, but it is so sad. I'm thinking it will be you she wants when she isn;t well. Sad to say, I'm afraid I was already wondering whether eyes were on Sandra's share of your house. I hope not, but this all seems like part of a longer plan,

Good luck with your phone calls tomorrow.

Morning all from a still windy Devon,

It started bright this morning with sunshine but it has just come over dull and is raining with hail in it.

I slept right through last night without getting up for the loo. It must be a first for a very long time.

Gill I hope you have some luck with SS this morning. Don't forget to write down all the things you want to ask about Sandra and if Michelle had the right to take her away from you. Also about the police backing Michelle up.

Lovely sunshine here so far but looks windy as well, still very wet under foot so OH has not gone to golf.

Gill your head is spinning, I think you have a few things to tie up.
I am pretty sure that you are not band G (not unless you have a huge bungalow.) I would check with your council but I would think the highest you would be is band D. This is what we are for a 4 bed house. But it does depend on the value of the house I think. Your borough or district council should be able to tell you.
When you say Sandra is part owner of the house, do you mean her name is with yours on the deeds? Or is it an unofficial arrangement?

And I would hold off from being too helpful to Michelle until you are sure of their intentions. I wouldn't rush to buy a birth cert, tell her you are still looking. It won't hurt her to wait, seems to me she is in too much of a hurry.

Morning Mel and All,

Sunny and not windy here at the moment, but I think we are due rain later. I slept really well once I got off to sleep and OH is gradually coughing less so hardly disturbed me. You feel so much better for a good sleep! :-) He has even suggested going out to the carvery today so that's a good sign. I think he wants a change of scene after so many days of staying in and to see if he feels up to going to his meeting tonight. If not, he can let them know and someone else can take his place.

I had to smile this morning as my old exercise bike has developed a squeak of protest. How dare it! I really must replace it as none of the dials work any more, but nowhere seems to have them on display to try out now, not even the big Decathlon store next to IKEA.

.We did plan to go an see Little Women today after him not being well enough last Monday, but he isn't up to that, the cinema is always cold and his coughing would spoil it for anyone else there including me! I think we will pop to M&S just across from the carvery instead as he could do with some new PJs and underwear and I want to see if they have started getting any short sleeve tops in yet. I must tell him not to chuck his old PJs though as I can wash them and salvage some pieces to use for my craft things. They aren't worn, but he manages to rip them somehow and waits till they are big rips and hard to repair before he mentions it

I meant to say I saw a clump of the taller Daffs all in flower yesterday when I went to the Factory shop.

I hope Jane's appointment this morning was good and that Gill is making progress with her calls.

Didn't see you AnnG as I was slow posting. We are in Band E for a 3 bed bungalow like Gill's and pay about £2,300, but it was new when we moved in which usually means a higher value and so also possibly council tax.. We have challenged ours as 2 neighbours have been reduced to Band D, so like you say, Gill is likely to be in no higher than Band D. I think if you are on a low income you can get a reduction, but you would have to ring the council to check what the rules are Gill.

We,ve had rain and hail and the wnds still high here.

I hope Jane has had good results from here consultation this morning. Hope we hear later on. Sending love and wishes. <3 <3 <3

I’m still waiting to see the consultant!!! Clinic is now running 2 hours plus late :-S My appointment was at 9.50. Chris looks totally cheesed off.

Oh gosh Jane my OH would be going spare. Always a reason for these places running late but two hours plus is inexcusable. As if it isn't stresful enough and as if your time doesn't matter. It probably means people booked in for short appointments instead of the longer ones they should have. I don't think I have ever had a hospital clinic appointment run on time and I was actually shocked last week when I was called in to the dentist five minutes early.

I think your bungalow may be larger than gill's Ann, not sure that Gill has an en suite and I have a feeling it is two beds although not sure. G just sound much too high.

Gill I hope you have managed to make all your phone calls and are a bit clearer about things in your head.

Well as I said it was lovely and spring like again and sunny when we went out with a lovely blue sky. We went to Tesco and had a coffee and then got a few bits including a couple of really inexpensive T shirts for the two boys to take down in March and a pack of socks for OH, reduced. Goodness knows how he is going to find room in his sock drawer, he has loads of socks but there were 'just what he needed'!
When we came out of Tesco it had been raining. We needed to go to B&Q (my favourite place.... not!), which is just across the road so we drove over there and by the time we got out of the car there it was black as anything and lashing down with very cold rain. That lasted until we got home but has cleared now and the sun is trying to come out. Very strange weather and the shelf that OH bought he had measured incorrectly (glad I didn't do it, so it a bit short. ('But that is ok I can fix it' he says.)

We have somebody coming this afternoon to see what can be done about the leaks, I got fed up with OH trying to find a way of doing it and gave him a phone number I found which he rang this morning without a murmur. This was mainly due to son asking yesterday why we were not paying to get it done, what were we saving our money for? :-D :-D