General Chat

Just lately there have been a few threads on here looking for living people, parents, children, siblings etc. And while I sympathise with those genuinely lookking for family can I just show people why we have to be so careful when doing so.
I work in a school. Last week we had a young child start with us on the Tuesday. This Monday the Mum popped in to ask about uniform jumpers, book bags etc after she had dropped her child off for registration. Child was happy at school, had made friends settling down to a new life.
By morning break Mum had rushed back to the school, seen the Head, grabbed child and disappeared into the wide blue yonder.
It turns out they were in a refuge and the lady's abusive partner had tracked them down and was heading to the town to do God knows what to the Mum and possibly the child.
So we have one child who's education is going to be totally piecemeal because Mum and them have to keep one step ahead of someone who can't be trusted to treat them like human beings.
Moral of the story: When someone asks for help in tracing another person and possibly their child take a step back and think twice. Even the most untrustworthy person can put on an act to get people's sympathy and help intracking others down.

well put sally I hope members read this and take notice:-)

Wise words Sally.................and just because the poster uses a name and gives their details, we can't really know who they are can we?

Finding living relatives for a stranger could be the road to heartbreak.

I hope that poor lady and her children find safety and peace of mind.

Well said, Sally.

It makes me cringe at times when I see the way people leap instantly to help offering electoral role look ups, 192.com info and all sorts of advice without thinking about the consequences.

I'm sure the help is well intentioned, but I also feel that at times it's almost like a contest to see who can be the first to find clues.

Owng to my former profession, I have the knowledge and probably access to the resources to find anyone anywhere in the UK. There is absolutely no way I would do it at all. If an adult person wants to remain anonymous, who has the right to attempt to breach that wish.

What gets me is that this poor kid, who has probably seen stuff no adult would want to, will have their education totally disrupted because one human being can't or won't behave themselves properly.

Sally - I can see where you are coming from on this, as I too have seen threads that have made me think twice, just lately. One had my alarm bells ringing almost from the beggining, and ran for about ten days, with the person seemingly to ignore all the very good advice she was given, before she huffed her way off the boards. This advice, if paid for, would have cost a mint. I think you are right to advise stepping back.
Julia in Derbyshire

sally I agree with what you say but having been involved with a situation like this womans myself to a degree , the education side of things is way down the list of worries .:-)

Oh I have no beef with her doing what she has to so her and the child keep safe Toria. My anger is aimed at the (in this case) man. Who the heck does he think he is and why does he feel he has the right to terrorise this lady and her family?

They just do sally and will go to any lenghts to find who there looking for ,Its a sad fact of life!! and the effects of it last for years .So I hope many read and learn from this .

hi sally, some men/women do it for control, domination and putting fear in their victims.... not nice people, and they always come across as the lovely sweet next door neighbour, you could trust your hamster with.... :(
stalking is just as bad.... :(
i to hope the lady finds safety and help..
kaz xxx

Well said Sally.
I do hope everyone reads this and takes note
Ann
Glos

I think newbies take the GR advertising at face value, when it says join GR and find people, and they are looking for family........I feel sorry for them, but hope that sensible members put them right tactfully about putting personal details.for all to see.....

Poor lady and her daughter, what a way to have to live, being scared that someone is after you to do you harm........scar the kiddie for life I should imagine.....

There is another one of these type of threads on TTF, wanting to find some stepchildren. It gives childrens names and mothers', and say they live in Derbyshire. What if they lived next door to me, lived in my street etc. What would I do? Perhaps GR should have some new T&C to cover these type of threads.
Julia in Derbyshire

Following on from your suggestion about T&Cs Julia I've been in touch with GR to put that to them. I think it's something that should be thought of and also maybe have something in the tips for using the boards about not looking up living people for posters you don't know at all.

Good move there Sally getting in touch with GR. I have been wary when I have seen these posts in the past, and am becoming quite concerned at their regularity. Some may be very innocent, but some could be very sinister. I hope something is done. Perhaps this thread should be constantly nudged up the board to bring it to the attention of others,and have it foremost in their minds when thinking of helping people
Julia in Derbyshire

I think what I'll do Julia is copy and paste my original post into Word and then if it disappears too far down the board to find I'd just put up the thread again. What do you think?

I would leave it for a couple of hours, as there will be some disagreements with you later on, I'm sure.

I recall mentioning, albeit perhaps too bluntly for some, that a poster had given out too much personal information.....the wrath of the gods was invoked! The thread was continuously nudged with more and more information on it....lol....I was called worse than a pickpocket and it was sooo upsetting...lol


But I applaud your sentiments and 100 % agree!

Eldrick knowing the sensitive soul you are I'm sure you were mortally hurt! lol :D

Yes Sally, please do. I would really like to see a positive outcome to this. Also, if helpers see this, I hope they realise that their enthusiasm, whilst well meant, just might be a little misguided. And please everybody, don't take offence. My concerns are not meant to offend anyone, because you do fantastic work.
Julia in Derbyshire

Yes Eldrick, I remember that. The onslaught you recieved was rather insensitive, and uncalled for. You were, after all, being kind-hearted.
Julia in Derbyshire