General Chat

what can I say, we have had the I ..I told her I would come to her next year, she said but I want to come to Spain.

Tonight I am told she is in respite care as from tomorrow .

I have spoken to her friend who has said ..she's lost it ...she has dementia and I now don't know what to do.

thinking of you uzzi
maybe respite will do her the world of good
and at least you wont have to worry 24/7

Well as she is in respite care for the moment I would let things lie and see what comes around later

Thankyou Joy and Shirley

I have spoke to her friend and she has said she pities the person who sorts mums place out ..I lauighed and said it s me

she said I will help because you will never understand . I have learned tonight that mum can't bowl, but she can no longer play bridge .

Without Bridge or bowls I will have to protect my mum

It is hard for you Uzzi. Maybe see how the respite care goes. Can you phone the place that she has gone for care to see what they say? Difficult to be going through a friend of your Mums.

This must have happened very quickly. Wait and see as others advise.

Uzzi, you need to find out exactly what's going on with your mum, double quick, from those who are caring for her, not through her friends. I'm sure you already know that.

Hard for you, I know, and send you my best wishes, old love. I know you have great support and I'm not talking about the mutts, however much they may love you!!!

Wend x <3

Uzzi, you are probably feeling all sorts of feelings now, take a deep breath and find out the real situation from the care home and go from there.

I hope things won't be too hard to cope with and remember you can always come on here or pm folk for support and to let off steam.

Lizxx

Thankyou everybody,

Yes and No to it happening quickly. Last year I knew she was losing it a bit and with the few phonecalls we've had it has shown. Her friend does say that in the last 2 weeks tho' she has really gone down hill. She has cancelled her cruise which was on the 6th Jan. I will wait until she has been in care a week and then phone the home to see what they have to say.

For now I'm in bits sorry

Uzzi, don't apologise for being in bits. Despite all the aggravation that has gone before she is still your Mother and you are bound to be experiencing all sorts of feelings. Just know that we are all here for you.

Take a deep breathe and a step back.

Hopefully the Home will already have you or another relative down as next of kin. Perhaps her friend can find that out for you and let you know. Personally, I'd be inclined to phone the Home myself and find out what is going on, although if they don't know about you, there may be some conflict over patient privacy. Depending on her mental capacity, she may be able to give permission for them to discuss her situation with you.

You will also have to find out if she has appointed anyone with Power of Attorney. It may be a little too soon to activate that, but its the type of thing you need to know about. Depending on the diagnosis, if one isn't in place, you or someone else trusted, will have to apply to the Court of Protection.

Sometimes apparent dementia is in fact the result of a urine infection. Sort that, and she could return to 'normal' what ever that is.

I too was thinking that maybe your Mother hasn't been looking after herself well enough as lack of fluids can cause a lot of confusion which can seem like dementia and also encourage urine infections. Hopefully the home will look at things like that as well and make sure the right amount of fluids are being taken by your Mother so she can be as well as possible. Only then can the true situation be assessed.

I personally wouldn't wait a week to call, but would ring asap. Better to make yourself known to them soon and get any necessary permissions in place so they keep you posted and know the whole set up.

Good luck,

Lizxx

Once again thankyou for your kind words and support.
I did start thinking about the lack of fluids and infection and thought that Mum on xmas day when I rang said she had been in bed for 2 wks a bit of "poison down there" mmm interperation a urine infection maybe and being in bed she wouldn't have got up as her legs are bad to fetch drinks. So I felt better for it.
I arranged for her to have flowers yesterday when she got in the home and will be sending a card on Monday so she doesn't feel like she's not loved.

Mind you have to laugh Mum phoned today, no thanks for the lovely flowers that were hand delivered but to tell me that she is okay just "tired" and not to bother coming over as she was okay.
Now where she got the idea from that I was about to get on a plane and jet over I'm not sure as OH will need to get the time off 1st and even more important I need to get a passport which will take at least 4weeks. Yes I was thinking of hopping on a plane after that in Feb/March infact I still am. Now as much as it makes me seem a loving daughter about to fly to her mothers side. (she didn't give me time to explain) it does make me wonder why she doesn't want me over there.

Is it she doesn't want me in the house whilst she is in a home which means I'll tidy it up and even worse turn the heating down and open the windows to air the place out.
OR
She doesn't want me over there whilst she is incapacitated as I WILL talk to her doctor and others
OR
Is it that although she has cancelled her cruise for the 6th of jan she has only postponed it really and intends on catching it up when she is better? This meaning I won't know she has gone as previously I offered to fly over in June.

What terrible thoughts for me to have I know but I've had years of the I'm ill game when she isn't and even though I know how frail she has got and how much her mind meanders at the age of 82 I still can't help but to have doubts. especially when she doesn't have holidays to go on she nags at me to fly over to look after her.

On Monday I shall be phoning the home up for an update on her welfare and see what they have to say about her health.

Again thankyou for taking the time to listen to my rants and worries over my obstinate, annoying but obviously still loved mother <3

It sounds as if you have done all you can for now, and, as she has spoken to you maybe her friend is panicking unnecessarily. I hope so and that she will give you many more years of irritation :-D

Uzzi, I am sure you feel better for letting it all out and please continue to do so if it helps. At least you have spoken with your Mother and maybe after you have spoken with the home you will find out even more info on the health problems etc. Mind you Monday is a Bank Holiday so it might be better to wait until Tuesday afternoon when there might be more senior staff on duty.

Good luck and let's hope the coming year is not too eventful for you

Lizxx

I phoned her tonight and she wasn't at home so I phoned the home ..yep she is still there at her cost ..her choice also unfortunately my credit was low, but they say mother is happy, etc etc and I am NOT her next of kin then my credit ran out !

Hello Uzzi. Who is her next of kin, if not her daughter? Does she have any other children? Just curious.

Huia. <3

Hi Uzzi

You know that I totally understand how you feel. I said last year if there was anything that I could do to help, you just had to ask. Still applies. You only have to ask.

Take care lovely lady. Don't beat yourself up about conflicting emotions.

xJ

Just seen this babe sending you loads of love and big ((((((((hugs)))))))) u know where I am if you need a rant
Much love
Rachxxxxx

Maybe you can find out more when you get credit again and can phone back.

I hope you aren't feeling too upset by all this and will not let your mother's recent actions, by choice or necessity, make you feel guilty. You have done as much as you can to be pleasant and accommodating so have no reason to feel bad.

Take care

Lizxx