Genealogy Chat

Whenever I contact someone whom I think will be a possible match, I always start "Hi [insert their name]" then give some brief details about who I think may be the match, year of birth, place, parents, siblings etc. Then I ask if they think this could be a match for their relation in their tree. I tell them I'm looking forward to hearing from them, finish with good wishes and sign off.

It makes me so frustrated when you get back a short response like "no it's not" or "don't think so' or "could be" or "yep". That tells me nothing helpful at all. I try sending another message, and yet again get a short curt response. Why do these people bother if they don't want to find out more, or is it that they now know everything and don't want to help others?

Some people are pure hard work!

People are people, some are not as communicative as others, some may take ages just to type a sentence - unlike people who are touch typists!

Generally, if I get a rude reply I think well, shant bother with them again and do hope they werent related to me.

I tried being friendly again, and asking if it would be possible to view the person's tree as they gave an indication that there might be a link. I got a one word answer 'nope'. Makes me want to write back and say "ahh...sorry I just realised, there can't be a link because my ancestors had manners....something which obviously doesn't run in your blood line!"

Makes you wonder why people join these kind of sites. I truly hope I am not related to the likes of this fool!

Yea I know what you all mean! I always reply to people who respond to me and always thank them, even if there's no link. Some people are just plain rude!! No manners!!

'It's nice to be nice'

'Always treat others the way you would like to be treated yourself '.

Or when you give them a lot of information, and the 'ball is in their court' to sort out their branch, and you see that they have not troubled to take up the information given.

I use a similar format to Gerry and always try to end with a question as I find this is more likely to bring a response. There is a word for phrasing questions that require more than a simple yes or no, but I can't think what it is.

If I've heard nothing after a month, I usually send a follow up, wondering If they have had the chance to look at my original message. No response after that I delete the contact and don't waste any more time.

Do remember though that not everyone logs into GR as regularly as some of us, and if they don't have the GR notification service enabled, me be quite unaware that they have a message waiting for them.

As far as the "curt" replies are concerned, consider that they may be from a younger person. They think nothing of emailing brief one or even half liners to each other all the time.

That's a good point, Peter, although as a relatively young person myself, I think I must be old-fashioned - I'm the only person I know who composes text messages in sentences.

The other thing is, maybe people forget - if they use a lot of message boards - that message boards often get a quicker response than an e-mail. I sent a text message to someone because they sent me one late at night - I expected they would answer it more or less instantly as they had just sent me one. They replied much later telling me off for not asking how they were - with text messages you can easily fall into the trap of expecting an instant response.

And some people also shorten their messages where other people would write longer ones - I often get e-mails written in text message speak and it drives me up the wall.

Kate

I compose text messages in sentences ---with punctuation. My daughters find it hilarious. But I can't help it.
Welcome to my world.

Pat

Hi Gerry
You made me laugh my advice to you is that if that is what you feel like writing then do it get it off your chest
some people are just plain rude so dont feel bad about sending messages like the one you composed and if you dont mind im going to take it and use it when i feel its necessary which up to date i may have used it once which is fairly good as i usually email up to 40 people a day on this site who have possible conections
good luck anyway thanks for making me laugh today
Fi

Glad my little quip made you laugh Fiona :o)

I'm the same with text messages, I use punctuation and full words, unless I am texting a very long message to someone whom I know will understand and I want to get everything in one message rather than two.

For those who use text speak, the above message reads:

Gld my ltl qp md u laf Fi Im sam wi txt msg I us pnctn & fl wds les Im txg lng msg 2 sum1 I no wl udsd & I wnt 2 gt evretng in 1 msg rtr tn 2.

(God, that takes longer to think about and write than it does to just type it all out in full!!!).

Gerry
;o)

LOL!!!!LOL!!!! and that's laugh out loud!! for all you non texting punctuation pepes ;))))

My friend thought it was lots of love!!

Lol Lol xx

I think the problem with Genes Reunited is that you have such a mixed rag bag of researchers on here. In fact some can hardly be described as researchers at all.

There are some serious family historians on here who share info and perhaps try to correct any dodgy research they see in other's information. But the contacts won't always welcome this constructive criticism! ;-)

Then you have some users on here who were obviously bored one rainy Sunday afternoon and put a few relatives online and then promptly lost interest after a fortnight. I suspect most of the ones who reply: "Nope" or "Yep" might fall into this category.

It really is an assorted mix of people on here and you just have to hope you find a solid gold serious researcher rather than a bored rainy day Sunday one!

Chin up Folks - we all come across the bad mannered contacts from time to time but there are excellent ones too!

Cheers, Horatia

Hi Gerry, in response to your 'text paragraph'. There was a job advertisement in a newspaper once on the same lines and the paragraph said 'if you can read this sentence you can become a secretary and get a good job'. I think it's the modern day equivalent of short hand or speed writing.

I too write text messages out in full as it gives me eye strain to read some of the things my children send me. Only last week my friend sent me 'K 4.5'
Err ?
Joan

Not about texting but in reply to very first message.

If I don't get a reply I wonder if that person has died or is seriously ill or in hospital. Once I didn't get a reply to an email. I just hope it's not because of these reasons I've said.

Writing a longer response shows you care and are interested. I agree its about good manners.

Peter-
The expession you're looking for is 'open questions' - means a question that reqires more than 'yes' or 'no', which is a 'closed question'.

(I'm not trying to be a 'clever clogs', but I know I HATE it when I can't think of the right word or expession. So I thought I'd put you out of your misery!)

Bee.

I'm with you Evelyn.... even if there is no link I like to try and remember my manners and thank people for replying, have had a few abrupt replys myself .....not very nice

Gerry,
I'm the same as you, I alwasy say that I think there might be a connection and give some basic details, but i never give them access to my tree straight away. It is frustrating when you get just a yes or no answer but I always reply to any answers I get with a message of good luck with their research.
On the subject of Text messages, my daughters get frustrated with me when I text them in full sentences and puctuation. I suppose it's because we are old school.

Helen

Helen....Don't you mean 'Olds Cool !!!' Hehehe!

Half the time I don't know what they mean when they talk anyway. If they say "It's pukka" doesn't that mean something to do with curling your top lip ready for a kiss?

"Innit" (in my day) meant that the article was inside of something "It's in it", now it (aparently) means 'yes'.

"It's well good" translates into "It's really nice [or] I like it".

"Cool" no longer relates to the temperature, but aparently to wether something is good or bad.

Maybe we should write a dictionary so that we can translate today's 'modern' language into a language us old fogies [the olds] understand!

What's all this about Chav's & Emo's...Isn't an Emo a large bird that can't fly......? Oh dear...I'm showing my age ;o) <--- er....that's a smilie for anyone who doesn't know !

hehe....I'm lost with text speak...I wish phones had good old Pitman's shorthand...then I'd ace it ..LOL
Just goes to show the vast age groups using this great program.

It makes you wonder why they bother joining in the first place when they are like that. I think you done the right thing Claire.

What also annoys me is where people say they believe they have a connection to your tree and give you details of that one connection. You confirm it and open your tree and ask to see theirs - only to find they keep their 'tree' somewhere else, accessible only to them, and they have just their own name on their GR tree! If I find that when I open my tree to them, then I immediately close it again. On one occasion I was asked why I done this and told them that it was because I believed in sharing information, not just giving it. If they'd had even 5 relatives and I already had them all, at least I could go through and compare but when it is just their name.....what's the point? I've spent years (and a good deal of money) researching my family history, why should I hand it all over on a plate and get nothing to check against in return.

[steps down off high horse ;o) ]