Genealogy Chat

I found out that I had a half brother who was adopted soon after he was born. Alan Bona 1955 in Leeds. I have contacted the registra and placed my name on the adoption register. He hasnt, Do I play the waiting game for the rest of my life? Is there no more I can do, do I really want to do it as he may not even know he is adopted and I could turn his life upside down as well as mine and my mums (she knows I'm looking) I want to find him but does he want to be found? any suggestions, has anyone been in a similar positon from either finding or being found. I found my half sister in april this year and things there are good, she was fosterd and did have some contact with me when I was younger but this one is totaly different and I dont know what to do or what to do next

im in a similar situation. although my dad died 1982, its was only a few years back that i found out he was married before and had a daughter in 1940 in nottingham. her mother died when she was 3 and the mothers family adopted her so she would possible be named as joan thomas. i am unsure what to do with the info i have, i would love her to know who her father was as i know he was a kind generous good person who went on to have a lot more children with my mother. for reasons only my parents had we were never told of any past wife and daughter. if the truth be told i would love to find her and now im older and understand a little about life im sure my dad wouldn,t mind. i only wish he was here to talk to about it. any advice for me would be appreciated teresa

Hi, Putting this back at the top before it gets lost. I've had no experience of anything like this but I'm sure some people on here have who may be able to advise you. Also, myfolks.com website, everyone says they're a great help. Good luck!!!

My mother left her two year old son with his father and a couple of years later married my father and had me. She never saw, or seemed to want to, her son again. However, I grew up knowing that he existed and used to think about him a lot. Three years ago I found him (fifty years later!) which was a very momentous occasion for both of us, especially as he had been told nothing about his mother...or me. Although we kept in contact for a while it seems to have fallen away now. Although we are so closely related we didn't grow up together and are very different people. Don't exactly feel disappointed, but perhaps slightly sad that it didn't come to more. However, I think we are both glad we made contact. But all this doesn't really help you much! Good luck, whatever you decide.

pushing this back to the top, I'm sure there must be a few more that can give advise. sally

I was born in 1955 and put up for adoption. I wasn't adopted but spent some time with foster parents before being placed in a childrens home until I was 19. Now, at the age of 48, I have discovered my birth mother had two illegitimate daughters before she had me. They were looked after by her mum for a few years before being put into care. They would not even know that I was born. My birth mother married shortly after having me and had further children by her husband who she kept with her. I'm having immense trouble trying to trace those two half sisters, but I have been in touch with the social services for the area they were living in and the woman there has tracked down the paperwork from the time. All sounds very promising but she isn't allowed to tell me anything. All she can do is put a note on their files that I exist and that I would like to make contact. The chances of them looking at those files again are so slim that I suppose I can assume I will never hear from them. Without their adoptive names I can't try and trace them, so for now I've given up. However, that's not to say I won't start looking again one day. The nice social services lady said that most adopted children don't start looking into their history until their late 30's at the earliest and quiet often not until they lose an adoptive parent or have children/grandchildren of their own and start to wonder!!! My half sisters have passed at least one of these markers, so I may have missed the boat already if they have accessed their files in the last few years. Fingers crossed that they are about to start looking! Vicky, have you tried typing all manner of versions of your half brothers name into search engines? I was amazed how much I found out about my family doing just that. He may not have been to check his birth/adoption records, but he might have mentioned somewhere on the net that he knows he's adopted. Try your browser (Google or Lycos are good) and see what comes up, you may be surprised! At the end of the day, I wish someone had come to find me! Not all adoptions are a bed of roses and he might like to know that someone out there wants to know about him. I've tracked down my birth mum and she won't talk to me which is why it would be so good to hear from my half sisters or other family members. Good luck Tony

Thanks for the advice everyone. Tony I do hope somebody someday tries to find you, I actualy thought for a split second when I read your note that you were him! as I have half sisters as well but born after 1955 I'ts all so sad but If he's anything like you it gives me hope! I think I will pursue, Its been upsetting finding my lost relatives but worth it just to know how they are. They are my mother's children and I never or harldly new them growing up, I'v tracked my half brother who said hello but goodbye, My half sister is lovely and we have a good relationship now. I'm still looking for another half sister and Alan whom I may never find, but I will contact the site mentioned as they may be able to help. Anyway thank you for all your kind advice and wishes. regards Vicky

Tony I have to go to work so wont look until i get back in around 3. could you answer a few questions for me as an adoptee? did you know you were adopted from the begining, as i don't know if he knows. does it say so on your certificate? do you think he will know. And why are the laws like they are.

a big hug for all of you!! elaine x

Vicky, Thanks for your message. Wouldn't it have been good if we were related, it would make life so much easier and nicer! C'est la vie! I wasn't ever adopted, but I do happen to know that when a child is adopted, a mark is made on the birth register to indicate that an adoption has taken place. If Alan doesn't know he's adopted but applied for a new/copy birth certificate it would show in the end column a reference number shows that he had been adopted. I don't know if that helps at all? Sadly, I'm not a legislator so I can't tell you why the laws are so tight! I wish they weren't though! I took a few minutes playing with one search engine with the name Alan Bona. No joy I'm afraid unless his father was Richard Bona a musician or if he's changed his name to Sam Bona and plays top level football! I'm the same age as him so I doubt the last one- far too energetic for old men like us!!!! Let me know if I can help any further. Tony

Amanda, can anyone access the adopted childrens register even without the adopted persons new name? I'm going to the family records office soon, but I'd assumed that you needed detail to access the records! The other thing is many children are in care for a long time before they are formally adopted so it may be hard to search records for a broad period of time. I'll try it when I go and let you know! Vanessa, well done for finding your half brother after all that time. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but at least you know! Teresa, I did a few searches for you too on Joan Thomas and variations on that theme! No joy I'm afraid. I'll keep the details I know for you and Vicky written down and if I find a good place to search I'll search for yours too! Bye for now Tony

Just got your hug Elaine, Thank you! Tony

to thankyou all for your kind thoughts and messages, just reading this makes you keep all the hopes alive thankyou

Thanks again everyone for your kind wishes, When I did the 192 search on 'Bona's there are only 200 or so on the electoral roll. There are about a dozen 'Alans' but I'm sure one of them isint him as his adoptive parents would no doubt have changed his name? I found his birth details on the 1837 site. Its all such a tangled web not being able to find out any information. Are biological parents notified when there child dies? Would I stand a better chance of finding him if my mum pursues rather than me? Not sure if thats a good idea either as bringing all these 'kids' back into her life is not easy. Any more thoughts or ideas are most welcome. How do I access the adoption register is it on line? hugs for myself and everyone else in our position.

Hi Vicky I'm in a simalar position, and I would and do definatly like to nw if i have any Brothers and Sisters. Do you know if this is till his name if so have you tried the 2 Alan Bona registerd on 192 disc. if not e-mail me and i'll send you the details Matt

Matthew I did find some A Bonas but not ALAN so yes I will have the details if thats ok, and if there are phone numbers then again would i have the nerve to call! and christ what would I say!

Hi Vicky I already emailed those to you a few days ago - Didn't you get them? Maxine

Sorry if I havnt replied to some of the emails, I'm trying to digest information and decide what to do but I have recieved all the emails from you all and THANK YOU ALL so much for looking for me and the advice given, everytime I come back to the site there's another post to read. I will look at everything suggested when I get my head round it all. And I will of course keep you all informed xxxxxx

It's not working properly tonight but you could try www(.)exresidents(.)co(.)uk or www(.curiousfox(.)com I also tried www(.)friendsreunited(.)co(.)uk but no luck there.

Hi, It's a tough one. My dad told me that I have a half brother out there, in a different country. Apparently this one was born before my parents got together. I keep thinking I wonder if they are on this site and what would I do if they ever contacted me. I'm not going to try and find them but if they ever contacted me then I think I would have to talk to my dad first. I don't want to open up a can of worms. Laurie