Genealogy Chat

Has anybody had the same experience as me? Namely you find a name from your tree on this site that has been put on by someone else (possibly a distant cousin who knows). You e-mail them (twice!) to suggest sharing info and trees and get nothing back. My question has to be why do people put things on which will be of interest to others and not reply to contacts? Anybody got a view???? Duncan

Hi Duncan, this is a subject that has been aired before, and no doubt will be aired again. Yes, it's very annoying - I have sent out 30 e-mails to different people on here that look like they're connected and have had only 5 replies. Though out of these replies 3 were positive relatives so I have had some success. Perhaps the others I've tried to contact already know about me and want to keep their distance from the crazy one of the family! Don't let the lack of response put you off though - it's worth carrying on with or without their help.

Hi Duncan, I've had that too. I try to reply to people even if they aren't connected just as a courtesy. Naomi

Hi Duncan I agree its frustrating when a possible relative doesn't reply but it's equally frustrating when their ISP won't deliver your reply. Today I sent a reply to a lady on the site to have it returned by AOL because it's had a lot of complaints about unsolicited mail from the server. I've persisted and emailed the lady direct rather than through the site, but some people may have given up at this point. Fingers crossed AOL delivers this one. I just wondered if you were with AOL and it might be an ISP rather than a rude people problem. Debbie

I had a feeling I wouldn't be the only one! You would think that people WOULD reply out of courtesy wouldn't you? I shall keep plugging away though I'm enjoying doing this on my own anyway (even when you hit a brick wall!!) Duncan

Hi Debbie No I'm with BT, I have had people contacting me easily enough with Census info and employment stuff so I think its the other! Duncan

I guess that some people want to take and not give - I had that experience I helped someone and rather then returning the favour they just ignored all my emails. I agree how are we supposed to create the worlds largest family tree (as this site suggests) if some people aren't willing to share??

Duncan, Could it be that some of the people are not paid-up members and have just downloaded their trees? Another explanation is that they have changed their e-mail address and not informed GC. Otherwise I think it is very rude not to reply to any e-mail sent through GC and there is no excuse for such ignorance. I don't go along with the excuse that it's the right of the individual whether they want to reply or not - its downright common courtesy!!! Hope I don't sound too aggressive - I'm really a nice person - honest!! Kathy

i am quite new to this and thought it was just me who was not getting replys i too think it is very rude not to reply,the people i was trying to help were ones who had posted messages on the trying to find board it is so disheartning and does put you off we should name and shame them for a response lol!!!!

I was so thrilled to be contacted when I first joined a little while back I was only too eager to reply and am now in regular contact with someone who shares my great, great, great, grandfather. However, I think there is many a slip twixt email and computer. I am betting many messages get junked by over zealous filters and get lost along with the spam. Maybe some people think they have nothing to contribute to that person. However, if the lady who emailed me about the Sangers reads this - I only haven't replied because I am collating all the Sangers ever there was for you, from the north of England between 1837 -1880 and it is taking some time!

I am not a member yet (£600 vet bill means funds are low) so I cannot e-mail members but I can if they e-mail me first so no excusses. :-)

Sometimes it's their loss, not yours. I've e-mailed someone twice, even putting my e-mail address in the second message, as he has at lest two generations worth of the same names in his tree as I have in mine. I actually need no help from him, but have a few letters from his relations that were sent to my gran. He's had his chance, and has now missed out on what I regard as a fascinating insight into his own ancestors, putting feelings thoughts and ideas onto dry names.

Yes Duncan! It can be really painful waiting and waiting and waiting ............. and STILL no emails!! Apart from the rudeness, I have found a couple of genuine problems: 1. The email doesn't actually make it to your own email box. It is under 'Your Contacts" but unless you actually go there everyday and look, you might miss it. and 2. ESPECIALLY Hotmail seem to "save" certain emails and then send a heap through in one day! I have just recieved this morning, 8 emails ranging from one to two WEEKS ago!! Others from that period of time made it through no probs! In it are three GC contacts regarding my tree and one from Rootsweb! Don't ask me why it happens coz I don't know and neither do they!! Still can't deny that some people think there is no need to contact if they can't see a connection or know diddley squat about the connection. I always email back in either case! SOnja in Oz

Though sometimes people do get carried away by their enthusiasm. I received several e-mails last year from someone who was convinced we had an ancestor in common; there were some similarities but the names didn't quite match. Anyway, in spite of all the discouraging noises I made she went ahead and merged our trees. I didn't quite understand how she'd done it without my permission but it kind of put me off the site and now I follow the boards and keep most of my tree on other sites.

can i also point out that for some strange reason some but not all of mail that comes via GC goes into my junk box so unless i check junk every day they can be missed shelli

YES, Happened to me also I always try and reply even if we are not related , but I suppose some people aren't on the site or the computer as much and don't investigate all their emails. Some people delete any email response that they haven't requested . We live in hope Kim

Angela, someone I was contacted by did the same thing - linked our trees when there was no connection. So I deleted the contact and got rid of the link..... might be worth doing if you are sure there is no connection. Barbara

Hello everyone, I can't say I have not had replies to any inquiries I have made, but perhaps that is because so far I have only made a couple. However, I have had many people email me about my tree. I always reply, within a few days anyway, because I do not get to my mailbox everyday. However, I have had very few acknowlegements of the email I send to give them the information. Granted, most of my replies suggest that there is no connection I think but, if the tables were reversed I would at least thank the person so they would know I received their information even if not connected. Other than that, I think this is a great site, with very caring, helpful people. All those willing to give a helping hand should be recognized!! I am very grateful to all of those good samaritans. Good luck hunting! Sandra

Hi Ducan I agree with all you say and yes it has been aired many times!! I am waiting for two people to contact and if not will remove them most people do but there are a few who don't, and it makes you want to stop contcting them. In fact I think instead of wasting time I will get on with my transcribing. Regards Ann

It is annoying - I recently spent two days checking and re-checking some info for someone who contacted me - I'm sure we do have a connection but they had their wires crossed. After sorting it all out and giving the info - not a dickie bird! A simple thanks would have been enough. Sue.