Genealogy Chat

See below:

I received the standard 'Please Can I View Your Tree' message today. I replied, asking who in particular they were interested in. They replied to me: Not sure Sam, but would just like to check. You have already got permission to view mine. I have checked and don't have permission to view any tree that I didn't already have. So, I sent a response: 'Sorry for sounding suspicious but I get lots of these requests from people who are not related to me at all. I have done years of research to get the 500+ people in my tree and don't mind sharing this information with someone who can tell me where we are related. People who just want to look, I need to know more info - there have been many tales of people 'stealing' other peoples trees and adding them to their own. My tree has come about through my own hard work visiting records offices and searching parish records etc - I'm not going to give it away to someone who can't even give me an idea of why they are interested in my tree. I don't appear to have permission to view your tree (I'm only looking to see if we have an ancestor in common!) and I'm sorry, but unless you can give me a specific name, I'm not about to give you access to mine. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I need more information before I disclose anything' Do you think I am being too harsh, should I have allowed access, even if only for a limited time? Sam x

No you are not, why on earth can't they tell you what makes them think your family is connected to theirs? Sounds suspicious to me given the things we were hearing about a certain person adding everybody's trees to his own not that long ago. Kate.

Are you being harsh?....Not at all! What can they possibly be 'just checking' with no idea of who they are checking for? If they need info on a particular person in your tree, then it would be easy enough to swap information and see if a particular person is common between you... But to ask to see a tree with no idea what you're looking for sounds a bit suss to me. I think you did the right thing... and it seems from what you have written here that you were very polite about it all... so don't dwell on it :)

too right , its your tree and you choose who can look at it. well done in having over 500 in your tree mines more like a privet than a tree but its growing. love linda x

Thank you all, I felt guilty at first. But then I thought - well, there must be one name that led them to me, if they can't even tell me who that is then I ain't letting them see my tree!! I have been in contact with one or two distant relatives through this site and most of them haven't asked outright for permission to view my tree, I just gave it as it was so obvious that we were talking about the same family! Sam x

When I find a name that may be linked, I send a polite message giving the name, parents, dates and places. I certainly wouldn`t ask someone to open up their tree to me, (the trees on here are not easy to follow anyway) As someone said before, if they just want to have a look, then they must have a name they are looking for, if they are genuine, that is. Stick to your guns, you are not being harsh at all, but simply using common sense.

No, if they cant even tell you what name it is they are linked to, dont bother. I always send a brief resume of the history of someone I think may be related to me.

I think you are quite right to restrict access to only those who you are SURE are connected. It is a pity that GR cannot devise a way which only a small part of the tree - relevant to the name in question - be shown rather than the whole tree! Kind regards Linda

No, I don't think you are being harsh at all. If someone wants to view your tree then surely they could give reasons why. It's only polite to say, |I think we are related because ......etc. Ann

What you have to remember is that if they have spotted, say, 'John Smith' as a possible link when they contact you that persons name should appear as the subject header of the message.

Hi Janet, The only subject/title of the message was 'Request To View Tree' and when asked, they still couldn't (or wouldn't) give me a name of any of my rellies they thought they might be connected to! Sam x

Not harsh at all - someone asked to view my tree and I simply asked who they were interested in finding - never even received a reply!! so can't have been important.

Hi Sam Not at all - if I want to view someone's tree, then I'll always give them the name I am interested in, and whatever information I have that leads me to suspect a connection - and I would expect the same from anyone wanting to view mine. Trudy

Is the 'Request to view tree' message sent automatically if someone clicks on that symbol in the My Contacts area? I've never dared to click on that just in case. I wonder if some of the strange messages with no answers come from that cause - then they're too embarassed to reply. Still not good enough I know. They should reply out of politness - but the anonimity of the internet etc! Anne

You are definitely not too harsh. Similar thing happened to me when I first joined and as I didn't know about 'highjacking' I let them see my tree it was a very tenuous link which turned out not to be a link at all. Lo and behold he entered everyone onto his tree, even my Mum and Dad. After many emails back and forth I finally got him to delete, but of course he still has all the information. Linda

I agree, I never let anyone see my tree unless there is a definate link. not just a single name. Our trees may contain all sorts of sensitive info that can be required by banks etc, of a number of people. So many people have allowed me access to their trees, but unless there is a link, being honest all it's doing is cluttering up my pages, some of the trees are very extensive, others just have 3 people on them!!!! Obviously no regard for security whatsoever!! Suex

Sam, No, you're quite right! Unless the person who sent you that wretched auto message can tell you more, I'd keep the info to yourself! It's GR's fault for putting this facility on the system - it adds to any unintended 'abruptness' of some of the contacts we get. Goodness knows, there's enough potential for mis-communication and misunderstanding without it! 'Fraid I don't keep most of my tree on GR now, just enough sprats to catch any passing mackerel. Regs Jane

On ancestry your tree is always there for all to see, but when you submit a gedcom, all details of living people are automatically removed. You can also download a gedcom of anybody`s entire tree. I find this useful, as my maiden name is quite uncommon, so I am sure we are all linked somehow.

Hi No your not being to harsh... Do people really go round stealing other peoples trees? I didn't know that.. Joanne