Genealogy Chat

I'm well miffed. My gx6 grandfather was buried in the grounds of Romsey Abbey in 1842 - this is not just heresay, I have a copy of a newspaper report . He was buried in the Abbey grounds, not because he was a religous man, or a man of 'means' - but because of his size!!! (on the large size - nearly 7 foot tall and weighing over 40 stone). The 'commoners' burial ground is about half a mile a way up a hill and they couldn't get him up there. I know my gran and great aunt saw his large (to suit his weight)memorial stone standing in the 1970's. I went there 10 years ago - to find it had been incorporated into a path! Now it is illegible. The most insulting thing was, on asking a 'guide' where I might find out where his stone and burial originally were, to be told he was a commoner and wasn't buried there! I pointed out that his stone was just outside - on the path - and was told I was mistaken!! Well, this means my gran and g aunt were wrong, the newspapers were wrong, and the (according to the newspaper) 2,000 people at his funeral were wrong!!! maggie

Agree entirely Helen little Nell. People do recact to grief differently though, depending on circumstances.

If you think about the millions and millions and millions of human beings whose remains are knocking around in the earth I can't see what the big deal is with having to share with someone else. Think of the millions of people who have no grave to visit because their loved ones were missing believed killed in war or in the concentration camps. People who die live on in our memories, not as a corpse in the ground. I rarely visit my dad;s grave as there doesn't seem any point. He is in my dna and in my heart and my thoughts.

Hi, have just read your last posting. My dad died suddenly aged 59 so understand how you feel. I honestly think there is no chance of the grave being dug up even after forty years. The only ones I have heard of having been moved have been there hundreds of years. Also, contact the council. They issue the burial deeds and they will tell you how long you hold the deeds for and would explain the wording to you. regards Teresa

I think its sad that graves are reused, I've only just found out where my gt grandfather is buried - and that was in 1930. I've a photo of the headstone, but its sad to think there's no-one in the family living close enough to keep an eye on it. I'd hate for the gravestone to be removed, as that's a very real reminder that someone did exist. But if the grave is reused, then at least someone else might be able to look after it. Crematorium plaques - I think its a sad reflection of how commercialised things are these days, that you are in effect paying a 10-yearly rent for these. After all, they are not exactly huge, are they? Again, in a generation or so, there will be nothing tangible left to remind people. Reusing graves actually makes me wonder what the archeologists of say 5,000 years in the future will make of it all - why were so many babies buried with adults? Especially if there is any DNA left & they can deduce that in a lot of cases they were totally unrelated.

Agree with the posting fromTeresa My Mum died very suddenly last June at only 60 and been an only child with a disabled Father I had to sort out the funeral and everything. I'm now in a panic as I can't find the doucment that says exclusive burial rights and have an awful feeling it was just for 40 years, in my grief I didn't think about this and now realise that I may and hopefully will still be around when they could use the grave again Going to have a look tomorrow, 2 late night to start tearing the house down and two young kids in bed

the thing is, you never think to ask questions at the time, the grief takes over. I had three tiny children to care for and no time or energy to worry over burial plots. I just wish somene would bring out a leaflet with all this information,t o read wellbeforehand. Each time I have lost someone close, I find it impossible to digest all the information on offer.

I'm interested in the cremation plaques - do they really get removed? How weird! I wonder if my Nan's one if still there... Abi

Jess, l've just dug the document out. It was what they call a double plot. I can be buried in the same plot if I wish. As my husband died at a very young age, I have since remarried, so it won't be used. The document reads, The c ouncil do hereby grant unto the Purchaser (that's me) the exclusive rights of burial in Grave space........,section.....and being in the consecrated part of the burial ground belonging to the council within the said city to hold the same unto the use of the purchaser her personal representatives and assigns for the period of one hundred tears from the date hereof (unless extended under the provisions of article 10 of the Order of 1977.... and so it goes on.

Going to check my grandparents out and my Mums as she passed away last June and I knwo have awful feeling that my Mum's may be only for 40 years and I might hopefully still be here in 40 years and I don't want to be going to visit some one elses

Tereas - just out of curiosity - does that right end with you though or your children after you? ie if you hold the right, when you are gone.... is that the end of the right (unless your childen actually take it on?) i know my gran had the same for grandads grave, and in she went eventually . i know permission had to be sought to put my Uncles remains there too. **update - just had a google - seems to vary council to council jess x

Hi, My first husband died in 1984. I have a Deed of Grant of Exclusive Right of Burial which states I hold the rights to the burial plot for 100 years. Hope this helps.

Di Me Probably a stillborn,that was the norm at one time. At least the little one had a christian burial. Shirley

I think it depends on how much demand there is for burial spaces. Older churchyards are probably left alone more than modern cemeteries. But, not to put too fine a point on it, eventually all the coffins will rot and crumble and all the bones will be jumbled up anyway. Just be glad that you aren't going to be flung into a burial pit like the plague victims. nell

Do agree with Jess about it is a place to remember and put flowers, as that is what I do every two weeks for my Mum and her parents, it just freakes me out when I first saw that in 75 years my Mum's final resting place may also have someone else there!! It can't be common practice though as where I go there are graves/ headstone well over 75 years old and also in the church yard where my G/Grandparents are and the cemetary local to where I live

I personally think that it is vey sad just to leave graves- I take flowers to my brothers grave, but when i am gone, there will be no more,,unless someone else is burried there later. i suppose i depends on what you 'believe in' to an extent. I would say i am deffo an Non believer, and that my brothers headstone is simply a plaque to remind us that he was, and is no more. It is just a special peaceful place to go and sit a while and remember him. Jess x

It's too easy to get either 'squeemish' or 'protective' over something like this. Where do you draw the line? Your grandparents? Your greatgrandparents? Your great-great grandparents? Think of the way your ancestors were buried prior to the 1853 Act. You couldn't get too fussy about who was occupying what space up until then. Another, better way of looking at it is that, after your own passing, you'll actually be with your grandparents anyway, so what does it all matter? I don't mean this in a nasty way, far from it - and apologies if it comes across harshly.

Thanks Still think it's a bit YUK - might be cremated myself instead now, I'm no good at sharing anything so I ain't having some great lump of lard sharing my final resting place ha ha

my dad died and was cremated. Mum paid for a plaque and every 10 years has to pay a fee. My nan and grandads weren't renewed and have now disappeared. Very sad really, as the plaques are only about 5 x 4 inches (thats 13 x 10 in new money!) Claire

Yuk The tought of it creeps me out, I go every week and put flowers on there and to think that before them there could have been someone else in there. I'm sure it can't apply everywhere as my great gandparents grave is still there even if we can't get to it for all the weeds and trees that the church has let take over the church yard