Genealogy Chat

Do you ever get tired of the twenty word initial message, (if they can be bothered to write that much) 'My Uncles milkman was called bert, born in Scotland in the 1800's, are we connected' or 'Your William Smith may be related to me' can I see your Family Tree.' Though that is usually kept till the second letter.......................................................................................Why, Why, Why, when people give the least amount of info, even in their initial info grabbing short message, expect YOU to spend a good deal of time and effort on them. (You owe it them) Only for them, if you are lucky, to give you a 'Oh thanks for that' AND OFF THEY GO, NEVER TO CONTACT YOU AGAIN........... YOU have to spend time and effort even to work out what it is they are on about in the first place. And as soon as they have sucked as much info as they can get, useually by requesting a 'Tree Viewing'. What Tiny, Tiny scrappit of info they have, is kept tightly between the cheeks of their backside and they waddle off into the sunset. TOO many times, TOO many people have been on the 'Info grab' with me. They are like a black hole of information. Sucking in years and years of hard slogged for genealogy information and they have never even heard of the Free BMD or the LDS IGI site. No of course not, their searching skills are next to nothing. totally undeveloped. To me is what all Genealogy is about. SEARCHING and FINDING people. developing ones searching skills, utillising the various web sites, local records office etc. Developing a skill. Then you find the relatives you are seeking, it is far far rewarding.................................................................................... The people you come accross and contact are like FELLOW MOUNTAINEERS, they can help, guide and climb with you up the Genealogy mountain we decide to traverse. BUT NOT ON OUR BACKS. You have to do the climbing! GenesReunited should consider having a profile section. 100 words about yourself. Then people will get an idea as to what to contact you with. Wether to contact you at all.. TOO many selfish people,TOO many selfish people with undeveloped searching skills. That is what has developed over the years. A good 90% of those I have come accross have been a complete waste of time and effort. . The 'Quick fix', the 'Info grabber' the NAME and DATE collector. They want lists and lists of names and dates of their relations as quick and easy as they can. BUT what they don't realise is, you can only ever find these relatives the once. You can only ever find these relatives the once. I'LL repeat it again; You can only ever find these relatives the once. It is only when YOU find these people by YOUR own efforts do you get to know these long gone relatives. THEN they come ALIVE again in your life, then they actually mean something to you. You can FEEL them as PART OF your roots. Collecting names and dates of Relatives off other people that are VERY SOON FORGOTTEN ABOUT. Can't you see the shame of it?. the shame is to find out about these people, these unknown, forgotten people, only to forget about them in five minutes flat. WHAT is the point in that. IT's the difference between writing something out and just reading it. Or actually touring Austrailia for 21 days with all the people, sights, sounds, places and never to be forgotten experiences or just seeing a few glossy pictures in a travel agency magazine. People need to think about WHO they want to find, WHY they want to find them, and HOW they should go about it. WHO they contact should come into it as should WHY. Try and think about the people you contact!. Viewing your Family Tree MAY not be the 'Crown Jewels' you think it is. The easy way of finding your relatives may well not be the best way in the long term. YOU have the rest of your life to find these people, it isn't a race!

Feel better now, Peter? I agree. Anne

And why are people DESPERATE to get info? Ros

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Oh dear! Peter....:-(( Sorry you feel 'used' but I do know where your coming from. I love my dead rellies. I love to find out about thier lives. I love being able to 'dig em up' so to speak, to remember them but... ....you will not get rid of the 'Info grabbers' the date and name collectors! It's thier loss!....just enjoy your hobby....Enjoy resurecting your rellies :-))) 'info grabbers' are the minority.... Happy searching Peter :-))) Hope you feel better for getting that of ya chest. Gerri x

Hi Peter Just to say I totally agree with your sentiments. I do still give out info. and I try to help people where I can.. But I know that the satisfaction I felt when I first discovered the info. will not be repeated in quite the same way when it is received 2nd hand. Cheryl

Hear Hear Peter! I went and found the graves of my great grandparents, great great grandparents and gr gr gr grandparents last Friday. Stood next to their graves, touched there headstones, and had a lil chat, even tho other people around thought Id gone loopy. :) What a sense of achievement and loss i found after searching for them. It's all about people, not names. The majority of peeps on this site are genuinely good eggs though. Dont let namegrabbers get you down, and if anyone doesnt say thanks or is being ignorant just shrug, feel sorry for them and get on with that investigation that makes all this worthwhile.

Gosh! Bet you feel a bit better now, eh, Peter? But I DO agree with you. You need to find your rellies yourself. Even if I am given a whole tree (and that's as rare as hen's teeth, in my experience) I hyave to retrace the steps the researcher took before I feel these relatives are MINE. In a way, this is giving our ancestors the respect they deserve and it is one of the reasons why I am so reluctant to part with information unless I KNOW there is a definite, proven connection - it is disrespectful to my ancestors to allow them to be tagged willy-nilly onto someone else's tree unless they really belong there. Olde Crone

I had contact a few weeks ago, via this site, and we definately WERE related. Her father was the cousin of my grandmother. I sent all the info I had on that line, she sent me nothing and I never heard from her again. I can't understand why not. We could obviously help each other so much! I had info going back to the 1800's that she didn't have and she had info coming into the 1900's that I didn't have. WHY did she contact me if she was unwilling to share her info? It makes me mad and spoils it for anyone else I may conatct as I won't give my info away so easily ever agin!!! Sam x

It is strange the different reactions you get from contacts. I have 'met' some lovely relations via this site and I'm now in touch with some very distant cousins who have been helpful and generous. People have shared areas of our joint trees which I couldn't have researched myself and I have let people have information which I have spent years researching. An ancestral cousin of mine was transported to Tasmania and I've been sent his details of his arrival over there. I couldn't have got that for myself......I wouldn't even have thought of looking. It's swings and roundabouts really. But I must admit that sometimes I find the reactions of some others very difficult to understand. One branch of my family goes way back into early medieval times and is well documented. It links into all sorts of exciting historical people. I was extremely excited when I was helped to find that link. I've tried to share it with others who must also be related but one never got back to me and another just wrote, 'That's interesting' and didn't seem to want to know more. I find that lack of enthusiasm rather odd! Then there are the few who are very distantly related but seem to have added branches of my tree to theirs which are only rather tenuously linked. I try to keep most of my sideways linking on separate trees rather than on GR but I suppose some people just want to collect as many ancestors as possible. I think you can only just shrug your shoulders and enjoy the times when you do get to meet new relations and get to share information with people who really do appreciate it. Most people with this hobby are genuinely keen to find out as much about their ancestors as they can. It's the background to their lives and how they lived that interests me the most. Best wishes Sue

Peter. You do have choices - you can choose not to part with your info, nothing to say you have to share, but Human nature says to me that if i have a snippet that will fill a hole for someone, wether or not they , as you put it, ''waddle off into the sunset'' , is what it is all about.

Sorry but I'm not sure I agree with you. I've found rellies on this site who have been happy to share their info with me and often they've had far more than I could have hoped for. But it usually works out that I have info they didn't have so its a case of sharing between us. For me it makes the whole think quite exciting and I've learnt a lot where I otherwise might have been stuck with a brick wall forever. Granted sometimes, the info doesn't match but in that case nothing is lost. But I for one am happy to share what I have found. They're not just my rellies exclusive to me............other members of the family have the right to know about them too. I'm happy to contact people if I think they're might be a connection and more than pleased if they contact me. Sorry if I seem in the minority.

I agree with an awful lot of what you say Peter,and it reminds me of a recent problem at a local school. The children 10/11 year olds had to research and write a piece about a local now disused WW2 airfield. Most of them googled the name and printed a couple of pages from the internet,or copied a paragraph or two from a book they found in the school library. With only two exceptions did any of them actually realise what they were presenting as a project. Most didn't even realise that there were planes at the place in WW2,just providing the info they had googled was not education,just an exercise in 'type,copy,hand over for marking'. Gawd help us in ten years time,if it isn't down in black and white all typed out for pronting,tnen nobody will bother looking. The internet is great for many things,including bringing out the lazy attitude in many people.If they devoted themselves to some proper research then it would be more fulfilling,but sadly when they realise it isn't all in black and white they take the easy option,and finish up with a list of names and dates that mean absolutely nothing to them whatsoever. Glen

Peter, Sit down, make a cup of tea and chill. Remember not everyone is clever when it comes to this hobby...(and a painfull one it can be too) Deep breaths, think of nice things and relax. Now you have it off your chest I am sure you feel better. Kathlyn..... A once info grabber.

The only thing I can say of comfort is that imparting information is a little easier wen its held on computer. I was once plagued by a man demanding details on a surname. And I mean demanding. It wasn't my family, but I did old a bit of info, so it took some time to put togeter. I got tree letters from im, then silence after my reply. As I'm a lazy typist (wit an H that sticks!) most of my info is offline. I rarely get any questions as to why I have cosen a particular person as my ancestor. Or anybody asking if I know more. The journey is far more important than the destination. It's like only wanting te football results and not botering to watc te match.

I agree to some points....... but geeeze - such a long letter for such a small problem. Personally, I like the long info requests ' my dad was, married to, had three children named ' etc etc but I can also understand the short ones :) With more and more people working very long hours, sometimes on a computer, the passion for finding the person is still there but 'contempt for the keyboard' is usually growing and the thought of sending a mini essay to someone who may not even reply may seem a little tiresome. Enjoy what you do as you are obviously very passionate about it, but relax :) Its a good thing, this site, and even though you may feel used - you are really helping someone out :)

Hi Pete I agree with Old Crone. Even though I have been lucky to find several people looking along the same lines as me who have kindly given me more information on the family sought, I feel that I cannot simply just add it to my tree until I have satisfied myself that it is correct. As others have said, it the joy, pleasure whatever you would like to call it that you on your own merits have built up your tree. So what if someone steals it. Most people here have been helpful and more than willing to share their tree. How about adding a phatom line of descendents to your tree and see how far they make it. Cheers Paul

OMG! Thats just wrong :( As said before, if you dont want to share the info... dont. Leading someone in the wrong direction is not a good thing to do :(

I'm relieved I'm not in the minority. I joined sites like this to help me find my rellies, whether it by asking for help or looking up names on the off chance one of my lot might be there.As its turned out often I've been lucky and the contacts/rellies I've made have become family friends because that's just what thay are........family......searching for the same people as me.

I agree those people are annoying. But why are any of us here? ... To link up with others and if they happen to know something we don't I'm sure we'd be glad to get that information (although I would recriprocate with what I know also). You wouldn't say don't tell me what happened to Great Uncle Horace I'll wait for the 1921 census and find out for myself! Jacquie