General Chat

How to give a cat a pill: 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while puting pill back into the mouth and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put another pill into the mouth and hope it works. 9) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in towl and put pill in mouth way back. maybe this time? 11) Pick up mess. clean blood and hair off yourself. Get cat carrier and grab cat from under bed. place into the carrier and go to the vet. Maybe he will have luck! Bob

Lol..

Bob - LOL, My family don't even bother trying with Charlie, as she'll just go 'mental', we take her to the vet.

bob that has made us smile even though we had to have poppy put to sleep at one time we had 5 cats and trying to worm them was a nigtmare useing tablets so we tried a paste which you mixed with their food and was allegedly tasteless..... we gave them all a bowl of food each which probably aroused their suspicians that something was going on unfortunetly our cats COULD taste the paste and one refused to eat for the whole day three ate very little and in the end, one, the smallest managed to eat all the remains..... lou

nudge!! not to fall off..

When you talk of Cats then T S Eliot has to get a mention This is my favourite: Macavity: The Mystery Cat Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw-- For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law. He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair: For when they reach the scene of crime--Macavity's not there! Macavity, Macavity, there's no on like Macavity, He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity. His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare, And when you reach the scene of crime--Macavity's not there! You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air-- But I tell you once and once again, Macavity's not there! Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin; You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in. His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly doomed; His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed. He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake; And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake. Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity, For he's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity. You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square-- But when a crime's discovered, then Macavity's not there! He's outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.) And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard's. And when the larder's looted, or the jewel-case is rifled, Or when the milk is missing, or another Peke's been stifled, Or the greenhouse glass is broken, and the trellis past repair-- Ay, there's the wonder of the thing! Macavity's not there! And when the Foreign Office finds a Treaty's gone astray, Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way, There may be a scap of paper in the hall or on the stair-- But it's useless of investigate--Macavity's not there! And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say: "It must have been Macavity!"--but he's a mile away. You'll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumbs, Or engaged in doing complicated long division sums. Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macacity, There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity. He always has an alibit, or one or two to spare: And whatever time the deed took place--MACAVITY WASN'T THERE! And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known (I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone) Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime! I have more if you like.... Bob

Went to see the show Cats a few weeks ago in Glasgow, it was brilliant! Makes me look at my five cats in a new light. If you havent seen the show, and there cant be many, its well worth a visit when its touring.

Found these rules for cats and thought everyone else might agree that there isn't one thing in there that their cat doesn't do lol I. DOORS Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and scratch the frame. You may also reach under the door and pull clothing towards you; silks get the quickest reaction. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, when it's raining or snowing, or during the height of the mosquito season. Swinging doors must be avoided at all costs. II. CHAIRS AND RUGS If you have to urp, get to an overstuffed chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there are no Oriental rugs, shag is a good substitute. When urping on shag, be sure you project; it is a must that it stretch for as long as a human's bare foot. III. BATHROOMS Always accompany guests to the bathroom. (See Rule I) It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare. IV. HELPING If one of your humans is engaged in some semi-closed activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping"; humans are known to refer to it as hampering". The following are the rules for "helping": a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted. b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself. c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you. d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim - to help! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump. V. WALKING As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human. Especially effective places to strike are: 1) On stairs, when they have something in their arms; 2) In the dark; and 3) When they first get up in the morning. This exercise helps with improving their coordination skills. VI. BEDTIME Always sleep on the human at night. If there are two (or more) of you, book end the human putting off the greatest heat. They will try and squirm but your sheer numbers and inert bodies will effectively keep them pinned. VII. COMPUTERS 1: Only show interest in computers that are turned ON, the operator will need your help. 2: Monitors are bad for human eyes. It might ruin your owner's sight and cause them to buy less cat food. Always get in between the monitor and the person operating the computer. For best results, stands as close to the monitor as possible. If you are removed, go and sulk in a corner for a minute, then repeat. Look as innocent as possible. 3: Keyboards are great to lie down on. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Marching over the keyboard several times is fun too. Practice aiming at alt-F4, N, and ctrl-alt-del. 4: Always chase the mouse. Your owner can't blame you for this, since it's your feline instinct to chase mice. 5: Floppy disk make great scratching posts. Nothing beats floppies when it's time to sharpen your nails. Lianne xx

Lianne, You forgot wall paper being used as a scratch pad! lol! Lindy;-))

Why did I see the rules AFTER I had rescued 2 cats on Sunday.... Hubby works from home to so the computer one is going to cause so much hilarity..... for me at least!! thanks for making me smile!!

I have a t-shirt that says 'Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods - Cats have never forgotten this.' My two certainly haven't. I have two cats. Sacha likes to sit on my shoulder. Onyx's motto is never drink out of a bowl; water from the tap is fresher. She sits there looking at you until you turn it on! Mel

why do my cats insist on sleeping on my clean washing....?

Lisa, my cat connor loves newspaper more than anything , and has a particularly annoying habit of trying to sit on any one you may be reading, whether it is down flat or you are holding it! i think he's crazy

nudge

nudge

One of my cats has decided to wee down the plughole in the bath rather than use the litter tray downstairs. I suppose it's better than choosing the beds or carpets. A quick hose down with the shower and all traces have been flushed away. Have any other cat owners experienced anything like this. Julie

Yes, one of my cats wees in the bath or sink too.

I wont tell you how many cats i have.............. but cats foreever thats what i say

Only just seen this thread and it's taken me a good half hour to stop laughing enough to type. All those rules for cats have been written after observation of my two, I just know it. The older cat's favourite trick is the crying to be let in, then sitting in the open doorway thinking long and hard about what she wants to do next! The younger, most persistent one is the computer worrier - she knows just which keys to sit on to cause my puter to emit an annoying error beep every few seconds, unless I am trying to type (particularly on instant messenger) when she walks up and down the keyboard, always managing to land on the enter button, and so sending lines of pure nonsense to the person I am talking to! And bathtime...my partner still can't get used to having a bath while the cat is curled up in the sink, head over the edge, watching every movement. I can cope with that...I just don't like the bathroom door being flung open while I'm using the loo, and both cats are good at that one - maybe its about time we fixed the lock on the door. lol

We share our home with cats and find that this is oh, so true - dogs have owners, cats have staff! In spite of this we love our cats and they give every indication of loving us too. :-)