General Chat

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My friend is expecting her second baby in February......and I've only just discovered that her baby will be severely disabled. Its spinal cord is short and abnormal, there are bones missing from its lower spine, lower legs and feet severely deformed . She has just let me know that it looks very likely the baby will be paralysed from the waist down, with little or no bladder/bowel function as well as abnormalities and possible organ problems. She has only a few weeks left to go and was offered a termination, but they decided they couldnt go through that at such a late stage in the pregnancy. I couldnt stop crying earlier when I heard.....my heart just aches for her and her husband and their 3 year old girl. What can anyone possibly say to them as their are no words at all for anything that they are currently going through. All I could say was that I was thinking of her, and would always be there for her.....and that they were all in my thoughts and prayers at such a very sad and difficult time. I know that tonight I will be cuddling my three particularly close and will be forever thankful that I have three healthy children no matter how mad they drive me sometimes. Please spare a wee thought and prayer for my friend and her family... thanks .. Jill x

Jill How sad this is for your friend's ,my thought's are with them.

Jill this is so sad. There are no words but friends like you will be invaluable to them. Daisy

How sad my thoughts are with them Lil

Jill that is such sad news. I can empathise to an extent because our 4th daughter was born with several problems including a hole in her heart. She would have been 30 this year. We lost her at 3 months old, but she still brought a lot of joy into our lives. Her siblings always gather at Esther's grave for a family picnic on her birthday. Please pass on my best wishes to your friends.

How awful and sad Im surprised that it was picked up at such a late stage though. Elaine x

Oh what a shame poor wee thing.Must be terrible for them all. Marion

My thoughts and prayers are with them.

It is very sad news, as someone mentioned earlier how was this missed on earlier scans? My thoughts are with your friend and her family Liz

jill, I can empathise, I wont go into my story, but my heart goes out her, give her a big ((hug))) shes going to need all the support she can get. Roxanne xx

There were certain problems picked up at her 20 week scan, and they were given extra scans and tests....it wasnt until around 28 weeks that they discovered the severity of the problems and since then the doctors have continued to add issues to the list of problems that have already been acknowledged. By which time she is now just past 33 weeks and didnt feel she could go ahead with a termination now.

That is very sad for your friend and her baby. Anna x

I know it is a sad time when parents find out their child has a disability which means re evaluating hopes, plans etc BUT this baby is alive and he or she is just as valuable a human being as an able bodied baby, worth being given the same love and his or her birth deserves to be celebrated exactly the same way as the birth of a physically whole child. Life will undoubtedly be very different to what they had envisaged but they are still incredibly lucky to have been blessed with this child. Best of luck to your friends and their new baby. xx

Wendy, well said, I agree with you! Rox xxx

maybe its me but how can the hospital offer that when shes carried her child so long , shes found out all these probs and then offered a termination, someone didnt think of her feelings there did they, my heart goes out to her and her hubby, i hope they can remain strong through this, hope also things are not as bad as thought when baby arrives, ill be sending thoughts for a positive outcome

I have pm'd Jill, and her, her friend and the baby have my full support.. Let me just say one thing. Being born disabled does not always mean an individual cannot lead a good life. I am almost 38, and have been disabled from birth. Yes I use a wheelchair, but I live independently, drive and work full time. With support of friends and family it could be possible. Fi x

Every life is a value....that isnt disputed.....if I have inadvertantly worded something wrong in the first place then I apologise......I am gutted for her having to be faced with this at all, or anyone for that matter....if she didnt value her baby's life then she would have chosen to terminate......

Jill, no-one has thought you meant that for one minute, honestly.

Thank you Fi......as I said to you in my private reply....the doctors cant even be certain that the baby will even survive the birth......and for her to be offered a termination at such a late stage, to even have to consider that as a possibility is devastating..... She has other health issues herself that I wont go into, but I hope and pray that the outcome wont be as hopeless as the doctors are suggesting to them....