General Chat

I was watching a tv programme ( Can't Take It With You, Sir Gerry Robinson helps families through the process of writing a will)

It reminded me that I haven't got one! I did have but circumstances changed, so I must get one written.

The couples on there had very different ideas as to what should happen to their part of the estate should one die before the other, wife wanted to leave her share to a cats rescue she was involved with, husband ( and perhaps more specifically his friend) thought it should go to husbands children from previous marriage.

Worth watching as it highlights potential problems, especially if there is re-marriage , step-children,etc and comes up with solutions one might not have thought of.

We did ours some years ago. It is very basic, leaving everything to each other then to our son.

The most important part of ours (and I think every parent should think about this) is that it is stated who should bring up our son, if the worst were to happen and we both died while he is a minor.

We have stated that he should be brought up by the set of godparents who are married to each other. They would take care of day to day decisions. His other two godparents would be called to a meeting to discuss more important things.

Of course all godparents were consulted and all agreed to this idea before it was put into our will.

All 4 godparents have a copy of the will so that nobody can cause them problems at a later date and try to change our wishes.

Dianne xx

Rose, Ours has been done for years.My best friend died after her husband left her and she had not signed her will.The result of her not doing that was disastrous for her children,then aged 16 and 18.The father had the house and everything!!!.I think he generously gave them both £5,000!!!!!He then swanned off to South Africa with the new wife and B****r the kids.
I think sometimes people just don't realise how important it is to make a will,especially when there are children to consider.

That was why I made mine originally Dianne, to specify who would look after my son, my late mother was named in it, but it now needs to be updated though the other people named know what I would want anyway.

I found the programme very sad. For couples to have such differing ideas were awful, especially concerning the children.

We had our wills drawn up when the children were small, nominating who would be guardians to our children.

We have now made new wills, as children were grown and one son died in the interim. We have designated that should our other son pre-decease us, our assets should go to our daughter-in-law. They have no children. (She would not automatically inherit, our money would go within the blood relatives.)

Please spend a little time considering the difficulties your relatives will have if you die intestate. We went through that with our elder son, and although he had simple assets, it took a long time to sort through.

Elisabeth xx

PigletsPal, Son and best friend know what I want as far as a funeral goes, as cheap as possible and cremation lol, but it is a good idea to have it arranged beforehand especially if you want somethng 'special'.

Jane, that happens quite often I am sure.

Jane - your statement - 'ours has been done for years' horrifies me. Is everything still as you wish it? Have things changed? It is reckoned wills need to be looked at every 10 years and altered if necessary - do not always have to make a complete new will - adding a codical will suffice.

We watched this programme too and both decided neither of the couples really trusted one another , especially the first couple whose wife, did not like children, would have nothing to do with his children and wanted the cats to get everything!

I notice guardianship of children has been covered BUT what if the family all died together? Where do the assets go then? Also if anyone is of a mature age, I would advise that they take out a Power of Attorney whilst they are deemed to be mentally fit!

Neither of these issues were mentioned, perhaps they will be on a future programme.

The husbands and wives did have very different views didn't they Elisabeth? I think it is a subject that is still very much avoided 'tempting fate' as a friend said lol.

I am sure we all know of people who were 'promised'something by a grandma, a favourite piece of jewellery maybe, that has then gone to someone else and out of the family. So it makes sense to detail anything specific like that as well.

That's a really good point Chris, about the possiblily of a family dying together. I do know someone who has taken this into account and specified where the estate should go. I suspect not many would feel happy about it going to the 'crown'!.

RR - unfortunately this does happen especialy in this day and age. Many many years ago it was a solicitor who pointed this out to us. You may have granny's brooch and have 4 gdaus but wish it to go to one because she would appreciate its history more, mention it in your will - the value does not matter.

We did ours many moons ago when our grandson was just a baby.he is now 31!! The solicitor at the time took us down the road of us both dying at the same time ,say in a car crash ,and what would happen if it was instantaneous for us both, Hubby being older would deem to have died first and so his will would come into force and then mine would be activated. If we didnt name what would happen if our immediate line had died out then my siblings would inherit. We made provisions too stop this happening by default.
About 6 years ago we decided we really needed to update our wills as time had moved on and people named at the time had too with different circumstances ,for instance daughter had divorced and remarried,We made simple reciprocal wills again leaving the final step to our daughter to do with our estate as she wanted. She has made a will anyway on her own estate which would incorporate ours to her children and their families.
I feel content that all is in place now but if things change then so will our wills

Didn't see the programme , sounds as if it was interesting if not controversial !

My dad was extremely level headed.

He was very specific when he wrote his will.

Mum had died in a Nursing home and whilst I suggested I initially mentioned it ( he was in his 80's) he put his house into mine and my sister's names so that Social Services wouldn't have a claim on it if he had to go into care he said he had been thinking of it. The house would have come to us anyway, but I knew he would have been gutted if Social Services had first claim on it. We are probably liable for capital gains tax now 'the family house' has been sold, but I rather that than him thinking his hard earned earnings were being eaten up.
Fortunately he didn't have to go into care.
I had 2 young children and no spare bedroom and my sister lives in the US.

It's always a difficult call as to whose money it is if one has put in or brought more initially to the 'joint estate'... I don't have that problem lol, what ever I leave if there is anything, it will be mine and mine alone to leave.

The two couples were helped to reach a decision which was acceptable to both which was good. I will watch next weeks episode with interest.

Strangely enough we updated our 25 year old wills on Friday (not signed yet. Not really any changes to the old will but one of the executors has changed and I wanted to mention all the Grandchildren. Ours is a simple reciprocal one but if either of our children pre-decease us the estate after we both have died is to be split equally between grandchildren.

yes,,it was updated (codicil)with a new grandchild on the scene.

dont ever think you have nothing to make a will for.....even a ten bob ornament can cause ww3......is what solictor told me and hes right.....

Well the vultures land at a funeral sometimes even before!!

We have made wills, leaving main to each other and some bequest to be fulfilled after the second one dies. Remainder at the moment to go to my niece as OH has no one to leave anything to. We have named charities and our church and our executor to receive money. Funerals are all paid for and sorted, so no trouble to anyone.

Chris ,even though we did ours a long time back.Things are still the same ,so touch wood we have no need to alter anything.
I have friends who have still not done theirs ,and I badger them all the time about it.I can't understand why they just can't take a little time and do it.It is so important.

Dad made a will , he had specific requests, items, money for friends,grandchildren ,mum's family ,the rest was between my sister and I
None of us ever had any bad words ,I and hubby were executors of his will, sister and would not have fallen out over any ornaments even.. he knew that :) He was 90 when he died and had good friends and inlaws ( no one on his side of the family ) that looked out for him.
Hubby or I haven't made a will, suppose we should,we have a dau and son who get on marvellously , who wouldn't squabble , but I suppose I would bequeath my parents and grandparent things to my sister or my very close cousin whom I regard as a brother ( he lived with us )

All manner of things are covered by one's 'estate'.
A friend had terrible trouble because her father had died without leaving a Will.
Friend's mother died and was buried in a double plot. Eventually her widower remarried and after a few years he too died.. - without a Will. It had already been discussed that it wouldn't seem right to bury him with his 1st wife, so that space was to be reserved for their disabled son.
Fast forward some years and that son died, but the family no longer had rights to the grave as they had passed to the 2nd wife, and on her death to HER children. It took alot of effort, phone calls, certificates, swearing of oaths etc to get past the red tape to allow that man to be buried with his mother.
A Will could have prevented so much anguish.

Gwyn