General Chat

Belair

My own mother felt the same, I was called a B@$$tard by the other kids in the street who didnt have the intelligence to realise what they were saying, 'out of the mouths of babes'. But as my Grandparents used to say to my Mother, "Go out there, push the bairn in the pram and hold your head up high" and thats what she did. She did a great job bringing me up, I love her dearly and am so very proud that she is the person she is. I will never, never be ashamed of her or who I am.

Well sorry but I am upset by all your comments that we shouldn't name these men, I have carried this for years and only when I became a member on this site did i feel like I could talk about things and would not be judged as I felt in the past. I glad you have so much sympathy Kitty, perhaps if you was in this position you might feel different, so kitty can you find Tom who lived in London SE1 and tell him his son is now 43.
Thanks

It would appear, that many of us have differing opinions on this subject, and we all have to respect this fact.
However, if I saw someone on here looking for my father, to tell him he was their father,and it is possible, because he was in the Navy during the war, I would immediatly be upset and hurt. Just seeing his details would be enough to cause upset. My dad is 86yrs now, and my mother long gone, but if that scenario was possible, for him, I think he would tell me now if he had anything to say. On the other hand, why not let him take his secret with him.
This is purely hyperthetical, bye the way, but how I feel if in that position.
I do appreciate that perhaps the person looking know that time would be of an essence, but there has got to be another way of going about these things.
Julia in Derbyshire

Belair

Nobody is judging you, you have the right to do what you think is right, as I said before I respect your opinion. Its just that my opinion is different to yours and I dont think someone should have their names and addresses put for everyone to see. What if its wrong? Not you personally, but what if someone 'thinks' someone is their father and names them only to find its not true.

If I look for an address for someone who is trying to find a parent, or sibling, whatever, I pm the person to let them know where the information is. I think it is wrong for someone to help but put the info up publicly especially the name of another person in the house. That part could be done by pm.
I can understand someone putting up all the details they know to try and find out more of their past.
I am lucky that my son did meet and have some kind of relationship with his father, still does of sorts, but his father is not what you would call a good supportive dad since he married the step mother.
Lizx

♥ Kitty the Rubbish Cook

I'm with you. Neither will I!

For the record, I am the daughter of someone who was in that position, it wasnt easy for her in the 50's by any means. As I stated before I am not ashamed and nor is she. NOBODY should be ashamed for bringing a child into the world, whatever the circumstances.

Mum had my sister in the late 1940's and had the support of her family. She married nearly 10 years later and my sister was later adopted by my father. She didn't particularly get along with him and there was a lot of flack from his family re mum being a single mother etc before they married. They never let mum forget that either.
My sister has always said she would never want anything to do with her biological father and if he ever tried to find her (even now) she wouldn't acknowledge him.
Everyone is different

As I said these people dont and are not doing it to name or shame but feel a ***desperate ***need. no more than any seeking that vital piece of family history info,, but theirs becomes an vital obsession beyond what most dont undestand,,,,,,,,,,,.........and they shouldnt be judged..

My uncle's wife had a daughter who was conceived while he was in France in W W 2, they would have divorced had he not been killed out there.The little girl was told that he was her father and I hope she never contacts me, as the dilemma would be whether to say anything. Of course its possible her mother told her when she was old enough to understand,or she may have worked it out for herself.

♥ Kitty the Rubbish Cook ♥ ..................................No need to be afraid looks to me like your the one being sarcastic.

I have pm'd you Belair................I was actually responding to Janine's post.

Please, please dont let this thread get nasty. its just about peoples opinions differing.

Every child has the right to a lineage


The Government has got something right. A clause in the Welfare Reform Bill, to be put through Parliament in the autumn, will require the names of both parents to be entered on birth certificates. At present, 50,000 babies a year, seven per cent of births, are registered without a father's name. That is an appalling injustice to those children and their future descendants.


Interest in genealogical research is flourishing

Debate over this law has short-sightedly focused on the respective rights of mothers and fathers. What about the rights of children and their progeny? There has never been more widespread interest in genealogical research than there is today, with many thousands of enthusiasts finding a reassuring sense of identity, in a turbulent world, by tracing their roots.

That should be everyone's birthright: to know their paternal lineage. Whether the father is respectable or worthless is irrelevant. Everybody should have a right to know and to trace their origins, if they want, beyond their immediate parentage. For future generations to encounter an impassable chasm of anonymity, with eventually millions unable to trace their male lineage anterior to 2008, would be intolerable. Modern DNA techniques mean that no man need fear having a child he has not fathered foisted upon him. This is a much-needed reform.

Every child does have that right. But not to have it plastered all over a website for the whole world to see!

Kitty /Belair,

Now stop the domestic,>>>please!!,,,,,misunderstandings has reared its ugly head again,!!!

Each has thier own opinion,,,,,,resolved,,,,,,,,,,

I don't think that the people who are trying to find parents/siblings think about the consequences to the person they are looking for, they are just desperate to find them that they post all the details that they know, I don't think they ever think of the possibility that the person that they are looking for may not want to know and that the 'happy reunion' they are looking for will never be there

Kay????

I agree wholeheartedly with what you have said - it is the reason for why I spend a great deal of my time behind the scenes helping them.

And I still feel it is not for me to tell them how much or how little info they should post - all I can do is give them the info I find privately.

Mary

Edit: As GG points out......maybe it won't have a happy ending for some, but again, it is not for me to decide that for them. Nor try to dissuade them from searching for their "roots" or trying to make contact - they are adults and it is their decision to make not mine.

I have plastered my biological fathers name on these boards.When i posted i didn't really think about it,i just did it. I didn't put a full address up. I would dearly like to know more About my father and his families. All little niggley questions. I do know he knew about me i have a newspaper report, he tried my nans house at one point. She wasn't even sure mum had me, let alone whether she had kept me. But she told him she knew nothing about my existence. Which at the time was true as they weren't talking,lol.I wasn't adopted.
How else can i find him? No one and plenty have tried can find him. So i doubt i ever will.I also realise he may not want to be found.
Thing is with help from these boards and Jean i/we have found 7 out of 8 of my mums siblings. And also her mum and dad, no happy ending as they both died very young,but she now knows.
I doubt that there will ever be a right or wrong way as every has a different reason.

As a completely different slant on this thread.
I am 41 years old.
Just over a year ago I was merrily reading the trying to find pages and right bang smack on the top was a message from a man looking for his biological mother.
Who as it happened was my mother.
To say i was surprised was an understatement !!!
But did I get over it YES.
I replied to him,and told mum he was looking for her.
She was shocked and upset but after a few months she had a complete turnaround and wanted to meet him which they did.
Now if he had not put her details on that board he would never have found her as my parents had left the country he was born in more than 40 yrs ago and he had managed to trace her via the salvation army as far as their marriage but came to a dead end.
It has worked out well for us and Im glad he did it and so was my mother who never would have met him otherwise

I have to agree with Belair on this point, the laws do need to be reformed, there is a right way and a wrong way to search for a living relative, but if you are desperate and seeking you may try anything you can think of..There have been loads of re-unions on this site some good some bad but thats life, I wish they would put a board up for this purpose of finding living people with rules as what can be said to protect all, members only of course...Good luck to all...