General Chat

There is yet another person on the TTF Board looking for his "biological father"

All in capitol letters!!
Full name,where he is thought to be living,plus his mothers name (and his own)

I feel very uncomfortable when I see these,and there are quite a few of them and likely to increase in future!

What come-back do these men have if it should not be true?

Bet

This is very wrong ..but if the dads keep walking away from these kids what can we exspect from the children when they are to old to be controlled on this matter by their parents .......

I have 3 children in this situation ...but allowed one of them to contact his father and met up ....his dad didnt turn up ...sorted ...the other two remember thier dad so dont want contact .......

I understand what you are saying Elizabeth but there are possibly a lot of men like Gerald out there.

Good luck Gerald and I hope your dream comes true some day.

I was interested in Geralds reply I also hope it comes true for him.

I suupose these days a lot of the chaps know they have fathered children I was thinking more of those suddenly faced with someone who says "hello your my dad"!

I do'nt expect it happens like that though

Bet

I thought there were agencies set up for finding adopted and biological parents.
I think it's something that should be monitored carefully.
Sometimes the situation can be very complicated and I personally think Genes should stop letting people advertise who they are looking for when they are living people.

i hope the person looking for his dad gets results,i thought thats what this site was here for,i wish him luck

I feel the same as DD................but I have never had the same problem as the people trying to find their parents.

I do worry that if the information is false, it could cause major problems for the person who's personal details are posted for anyone to see though.

There are always two sides to every story and no matter what the actual truth is, the absent parent is always assumed to be the one in the wrong.

Gerald.............I hope one day you will see your son again.

If you can't add a living person to your tree without their permission why should you be able to add a name of a person who is likely to be alive without their consent?

I know that if my sister saw her name here she'd have a fit. Her life is how she wants it to be and has no desire to be contacted..........and thats where agencies come in.

Gerald I really hope that one day your dream comes true. People often have no idea how harshly girls (and their boyfriends) were treated before the late 1970's.

Mary

Gerald
There is a goverment supported agency called NORCAP which has registers for tracing , advice, support etc
and another called Missing Links http://www.adoptioncontactregister.com/

I pointed out to someone on the trying to find board yesterday that as she had no contact with her father and was searching for him, he shouldn't be on her tree without permission.

Her reply was..........."he's my father!!!!!*

She had his name and last known address on view for everyone to see, then a member gave details from an electoral roll and named the person living with him as well.

That, to me, is very wrong.

If you never been in a situation of need then nobody can fully understand it,,

Good luck Gerald I hope you see yor name in lights one day and I admire you, for standing up to be counted,


Yes there are agencies that undertake this work on behalf of an Adoptee but it comes with a hugh price tag and very many are not in a postition to fund it,which slides into hundreds of pounds,

These people may have been kept a dark secret from the world,but like all family secrets they have a habit of rearing its head when least expected,,its not the fault of an adoptee they was born or given up,,this is the price a birth parents pays,,,,,,


Unless you have been in that desperate situation then youll never how just what desperate measures someone will take to find their roots,,and it come with a hugh package of mixed emotions that unless in their shoes no one can inagine,

Of course I can't understand it Kay, but I still worry that way too much information is posted on an open forum................not all of these people were adopted though, most are looking for fathers they have lost contact with for some reason or other.

How are you supposed to add a person that you looking for on the trying to find board without putting the names lol.
Rosex

I agree to a degree about info about living people not being posted on an open forum but as it is their relative not mine I don't think it is up to me to dictate what info they can or can't post. When I help someone with these searches I ALWAYS send them the info by PM - I would never post it on their thread for all the world to see.

Mary

Elizabeth

I'm with you on this one. It just doesnt sit right with me.

It really isnt always someones 'fault' that these things happen, I understand the childs needs must be very great, but I think the approach should be made softly softly.

A friend of mine found herself pregnant at 13 (way back in the 70's), her horrified parents sent her away to Scotland to have the child which was subsequently adopted and she came back after her 'holiday', nobody being the wiser. She was told not to talk about it to anyone, her parents made her feel she had committed a mortal sin, she suffered badly over the years because of this 'secret' and felt ashamed of herself. Her son has since been in contact with her, he did it through his own searching and help from the salvation army and adoption agencies and they have a very good relationship, but I dread to think what heartache and damage could have been caused for her, her family and her adopted sons family if their names had been plastered all over these boards for people to see. She was a kid, there but for the grace of God.....

The point is each case is different and therefore should be treated with caution.
If you add the 'alleged' fathers name and last known address on an open forum you could be opening up all kinds of things.

My sister is the child not the parent and I know full well what her views are on being found...as I say each case is different.

how many people on here have posted details on here of people they are looking for and had a suscess?
the sun does a similar thing in tracing people,if the person being traced doesnt want to get in touch they dont have to reply!!

What if they have a new life and a new family and don't want the world to know there last known address?

Why not try tracing someone without giving the reason. You dont have to say 'I think he's my biological father', just state that you would like them to contact you.

Its very personal and shouldnt be broadcast to the world. It may turn out that the person in question is in fact NOT the father and think what trouble that may have caused them.