General Chat

Bravo Tina-your poems were great!!!

Angie (formerley The Bard) xx

Oh no not the end please loved the poems just one more please j

Well done and thank you Angie, Tina and Kieth for all the entertainment. M

Well Autumn Leaves
the time has come to
bid you a fond farewell.

We have grizzled and groaned
whinged and moaned
but all in the name of fun!


Thankyou Autumn Leaves for being such a good sport
and thankyou May for letting us hijack your thread

The Bard
aka Angelina Ballerina
xxxxxxxxxxx

WHAT A HOOT WLL BE MAILING POEMS TO FRIENDS DOWN IN THE DUMPS IN FRANCE THEY WILL SOON BE CHUCKLING ...

off to bed chuckling

you lot are crackers, but brilliant

thank you

xxLynnxx

At last I’m getting some respite
I’ve got a new job and it’s a peach
I’m off to the sun for six months
As a lifeguard on Magaluf beach
I know I’m not as young as I was
And I can no longer claim to be slim
But already I'm pumping the iron
And I’ll pretty soon learn how to swim

I suppose I will miss the old bat
Even though she is such a pain
But the time will pass oh too quickly
Then we can start rucking again

lol xx May.

He watches so much rubbish
He's in complete enthrall
shouting at a bunch of silly men
chasing a little ball

He sits there with his lager
in his favourite footy kit
his whistle ready round his neck
he really looks a t*t!

He must think they can hear him
when he shouts and yells so much
"Oi ref" he bawls "thats a foul"
I could kick HIM into touch

But who am I to deprive him
of his simple little pleasure
cos while he's watching tele
I can go shopping at my leisure

The Bard

It’s guaranteed to happen
As sure as night follows day
Every time there’s footie on the telly
She just _has_ to stand in the way
It’s the same when I’m watching cricket
The rugby and motor racing too
She’s completely oblivious to a man’s needs
Mum always knew what to do

But revenge will be mine this evening
For she’ll be in that chair without fail
And I will be by the fuse box
To short circuit Emmerdale

Tomorrow’s the evening I hate most
It’s when her wholesome mates come around
They sit drinking tea and yapping
And make the most nauseating sound
They think that I’m there as their lackey
They eat cake after cake by the ton
They expect me to keep filling their plates
And they think it’s a great heap of fun

But this week I’ve planned something special
For I’ll bake them a cake like mum taught
And I’ll top it with laxative chocolate
…………….That’ll give em food for thought !

Hmmm !

Methinks the Old Bard is a snapper-up of unconsidered trifles.

For a jest's prosperity lies in the ear of him who hears it.


And what's more ....................... I'm definitely not climbing up any balcony for her !

Doest think maybe getting some dutch courage?

Oh Autumn Leaves-where for art thou?

The Bard

He thinks I havent seen them-
his little leopard skin speedos
if he thinks he's wearing them near me
He really is a weirdo!

I've seen him sneak them in the case
underneath his medallion
I really feel sick already
and the holiday hasnt yet begun!

He thinks he's John Travolta
when he puts on his white gear
and struts off to the discotheque
to ogle,pose and leer!

He eyes up all the ladies
as he twirls around the floor
I wish he'd carry on twirling
'til he reaches the bloomin door!

Well tomorrow I'll have the last laugh
cos when he pulls his trunks up higher
he'll really feel the pinch you know
cos I've shrunk them in the dryer!

Ouch!

The Bard

I suppose we’ll soon be going
For every summer it is the norm
She’ll pack our bags and drag me onto a plane
For our two weeks in Benidorm
She’ll crash out by the swimming pool
And often waddle off to the bar
Where she’ll stuff her face with paella and chips
And gallons of Shangri-la

But I fancy somewhere different this year
Though the cost may be a bit of a push
A wildlife African safari
And hopefully lose her in the Bush !

Hi Tina

another Bard in the making me thinks!

both back on top form today goood

He talks to her in a loving way
he strokes her frequently
He cannot get enough of her
He's not like that with me

He buys her things most every week
He cares not what he spends
He knows exactly what she likes
Oh will it ever end?

I hope not thats all I can say
I will not even moan
He can go and live with his bloomin CAR
I'd rather be alone!!

The Bard

The diet isn't working
I think it's fair to say
Unless it's aim is to put on weight
Which she does each passing day
But I must admit her mouth looks slimmer
In fact it looks quite thin
It must be all the use it gets
Perched above her triple chin

But I think I know how to help her out
And it'll work pretty quick I'd guess
When she next asks if her bum looks big
I'll courageously say yes.

bravo Bard.....Autumn Leaves your next........