General Chat

Hi everyone,
My first insult since being with GR. I was contacted out of the blue by someone who introduced themselves as a relative. We've all been there. The person in question asked about my 3rd g-grandfather and included (by mistake?) their family tree. I quickly checked their tree and there wasn't much on there of any interest and certainly nothing as indepth as what's included in mine and what's taken me years to compile. I thanked the person for their contact and their tree but the information they had provided was of little use too me and that I was reluctant to provide information relating to my ancestors considering the cost and time outlay. Well since then I have received nothing but insults. I was asked 'what I was doing on GR if I wasn't willing to share all my information'. Quite odd as I have meet many wonderful people and have shared a lot of family history. There are some I am a little reluctant to provide information to. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm pretty easy going and have helped countless 100's researching their own family but to have someone insult me in such a way makes me wonder if maybe it's too easy for people to stay in contact and whether we should have an option to 'block'.

Any thoughts and have any of you experienced the same thing. We all know how this works and why we do and don't provide family information.

Cheers,

Prento

I haven`t been insulted but but I don`t share details with anyone who hasn`t an obvious connection. Sometimes it isn`t wise to give too much info (even though living relatives can be hidden) and I admit some people assume it is their right to view your tree

i should imagine they feel pretty hurt too
Do you share a relative? you mention 3rd great grandfather.

Thje included their tree ,maybe intentionally,and because there was nothing of interest to you, you wont tell them anything else?

yes, I would wonder why you belong to GR too

I'm also reluctant to open my tree & risk having ALL my work copied however I never go back to a contact & send them absolutely nothing.

Would it have hurt you to send a few words of encouragement & a small amount of information?

However, getting insulting messages is not acceptable, if you conact GR they can block this sender.

I only have a small part of my tree on GR, the in depth tree is on my computer and will share only the line of my family that is being asked about.

skwirrel

Prento

You can ask genes to block someone from mailing you should they be abusive via pm.

Being on Gr is partly about sharing info though although not compulsory.

if the other person had info you wanted, such as four of five names, dates and places. would you have still withheld your tree knowing you have much more names & info on it that they diddnt have ? Or would you have shared your info ?

Or what would happen if they had names you badly wanted and refused access to their tree because their tree was bigger & better than yours ?

It is frustrating should you be on the other side of the coin.

What I would have personally said to the person concerned, is that you dont open your tree fully but are willing to give a few names and dates such as parents names, or the next names in their tree sequence. That way they have to find out all the other details themselves.

I can understand your contacts frustration, but that is no excuse for rudeness.

I would wonder why someone was unwilling to exchange any information with me too.

Because your tree has more in depth information than theirs does probably means they are in the early stages of compiling it.

Would it have hurt to give them at least a couple of names and dates etc?

xx

I have recently had contact with two ladies on here. Their great grandparents are brother and sister to my great grandma. One of them opened her tree to me.

I don't keep any family history on the computer at all as I don't trust computers, but I am currently typing every last scrap of information I know into word and I will be e-mailing 400 years of information to these two ladies as soon as possible.

For one reason.

They are my family.

Dianne xx

Dianne................that is lovely :))

xx

Yes Dianne that is lovely- I always open my tree to someone with a genuine connection... dont see a problem with it.
I have made some brilliant friends, and reunited family member who havent seen each other for years, some meeting for the first time ever!
I am always willing to give people any information I have, because I dont believe that I have the right to keep someone from knowing about their family. If I can help in any way, I will.
In the same way, the people who I am in contact with are now willing to help me too- we organise it so that if there is a cert for a shared relative that needs buying, we take it in turns to pay and send copies to each other- therefore halving the cost!
It wouldnt have hurt to share at least some names and dates, then they would have been able to search for census etc themselves. at no point should the person have become abusive, but I expect they were feeling hurt, as I would have.
L xxx

Not everyone has the money to spend on their family history. It is entirely your prerogative as to what info. you share but I agree with Dianne - we share family.
S

I should have said - you don't deserve insulting messages. Have them blocked.
S

The idea is to share and
Elaine asked the same questions I would have asked. What if they had info you didn't have, would you have taken it from their tree?

Rudeness is not acceptable and I once had somebody be rude to me because I didn't automatically open my tree to them. I never do. But I always get their e mail address and send them all relevant info. I have recently had contact with somebody who had his parents and Grandmother downwards on his GR tree, he has not been researching very long. I had the tree for his Grandmother going back to 18th century, there was nothing for me on his tree except the knowledge of the link but he gained a tremendous amount from me and he was thrilled. Just the knowledge of his pleasure was reward enough for me.

Likewise I have had help form people with more knowledge than me....swings and roundabouts.
Ann
Glos

I have people contact me via this site and others and they share information and their tree with me - but I dont look down my nose at them because they dont have all the dates of births, baptisms and marriages etc. Sorry Prento - but that's how your post came across to me. And some people only keep basic information on their trees on sites such as this.

Personally, I am only too pleased to be able to help someone fill in their missing blanks and help point them in the right direction.

Not everyone was born with the gift of genealogy knowledge. Not everyone can afford sites such as Ancestry. Not everyone can afford to buy certificates. Not everyone can get to record offices. If you are lucky enough to do those things - does it really hurt to share?

When i joined in 2003 all i had was my fathers name [ he left my mam when i was 3yrs old ].
My mam died in 1975 so i could not get any info from her and i had lost contact with mams side .

Without help from a lovely gentleman [ 2nd cousin ]on GR that had already done most of the work on my dads side i would still not have got as far as i have now .

Now that i have got the hang of it , if the member is a relative i will gladly share .

Isn't that one of the things that this site is for or i have got it wrong ?
Why put your tree on here if you don,t want to share info ?

When i first started doing my family tree i only had snippits from my mum and dad.Mum had been adopted.Without the help of my cousins who i did not know who they were, i would not know much today.They have shared everything with me.Certs as well.On dads side i have had a couple of members contacting me and although not opening up there tree shared all there information by e-mail.I am very grateful to these members for starting me off.I now share information out with them as i am able to get to records offices where they cant. Annie

Like many who have already answered you I do not put all of my information onto my Genes Tree, but have it on my computer. When contacted by another member, with a genuine link, I will open my tree to them & be more than happy to give them ALL the information I have on that branch/twig.
I have spent a lot of time collecting information, but also the fact that my father was born over 100yrs ago & my mother over 90yrs ago means that I know all the names of their parents/grandparents. I also have photo's of these & some of their siblings.
It is very time/money consuming doing this research, so like to save some of other peoples. Having shared information on these people, there are more of pairs of eyes looking for the earlier people.
Why let the expensive Genealogy sites get paid over & over again for the same information?

There is no excuse for them to be rude to you, but i do understand their probable frustration.
I have made several connections with members on this site and recently one of them (although our connection is only by marriages), opened his tree to me once he obtained who i was enquiring about. Him doing this gave me so much encouragement and added 9 names to my tree....names i would not have known without his help (in turn he also was able to add a few dates and surnames), isnt that what its all about?

i had alady last week who thought we had conection she let me have alook at her tree,i told her i had,nt added on on mine but had it on paper would give her any information which may help,it dos,nt cost anything to be nice to other people and i always thank people for there help and there time
Dutchxx

I agree there is no excuse for being rude but I don't understand why you were reluctant to share details of your tree. You have a connection so maybe just share that small part of your tree. It seems that because their tree isn't as big or in depth as yours then you are not willing to help them. Maybe they are a beginner. No need to be rude butI can sort of understand how they must feel also.

Karen x