Genealogy Chat

What is the point of some people putting their family trees on this site if they are not going to respond to other members when they make contact? If somebody's tree is meant to be viewed and used solely by their own family then what is the point of putting it on a public site? A simple, short letter giving one's apologies or reason for not wanting to share your family information is all it takes to stop member's frustration and annoyance at what is nothing less than pure ignorance. We are looking to find names on boards whose birth places and dates match those in our own trees; that is what this site is all about. But when those matching names are unusual and you have what you know are a husband and wife in the names lists which is proven when you contact the person about one of those names and the other immediately shows up as contacted it makes me furious when I get no response, and then still don't get a reply from a second contact message. As far as I am concerned people who do that are wasting everybody's time by their being members of this site.

Hi Robert, I know what you mean, I have contacted loads of people regarding names on their tree and hardly any have bothered to reply. I did manage to get hold of a second cousin that I never knew I had out of the few replies I have received. Laurie

I agree with you Robert, I have contacted several people who havent even had the manners to reply with a 'sorry i cant help you'. I can only assume that they are'nt so serious or interested in researching their ancestors as we are,

I/We reply to every contact and open our tree when there is definately a link. There is however 4,500 people in our tree so it can be confusing. I have had one link where the only person of a particular line is an aunt of mine and she is the only one put on genes connected out of a family of eight, all of whom she would at least know the names of. I feel if she is not interested in the near past then why should i help her with the distant past. Maybe this is ignorance, but she has her 'new' family right up to her grandchildren. George

Hi Robert I understand your frustrations completely, however I think we need to remember that its a free world, and that people have a choice with their response. I only get responses to about 50%(on a good day) of the emails I send out on here.However i accept that I am sending these contacts unsolicited email and therefore accept their right to ignore them.( Just as you have the right to ignore my opinion now!) Just the fact that they are using this site does not make their information public domain. Whilst I am always thrilled when someone responds and passes on some information, and I have dealt with truly wonderful kind and generous spirited people here, I know that this is not Utopia, and people will always be consistently inconsistent! I would try to focus on the positive aspects of this site, and the many helpful folk that do respond, and look on any info you receive here as a bonus . Best regards Maxine

Robert I agree with you. Why bother to join a site like this if you don't bother to reply to contacts - even if only to say thanks but I don't think we are connected!!! Like you I have sent a few messages to people with like unusual names that look as though they could be helpful, with no response. I sent one to someone who had 2 surnames in their tree that I was looking for - could you imagine how I felt when once the message was sent I found that the 'contacted' sign appeared on a 3rd different surname in my tree. Great I thought, this is the first positive connection I've found. Well my joy has been short lived - 2 weeks on and NO REPLY!! I feel so deflated as there are only 142 of one of my surnames and 103 of the other.

Christine, Yours may be different, as please don't forget that people are on holiday this time of year, and some go for a bit longer than the 2 weeks these days. Patience is a virtue, as they say. Kim Sandhurst

Hi Folks Please don't ever think I condone bad manners I certainly don't - I too think there is no excuse, all I am trying to say (and I don't think I am being very clear perhaps) is that we can only control what we do, not what others do - so there is no point wasting time and energy(negative or otherwise) worrying about what we have no control or influence over. Regards Maxine

I agree with Robert, I have had a handfull of extremely helpful contacts, some with connected trees some with people who have turned out to have slight or no connection at all, but sufficiently similar interests to have made the contact an interesting dialogue. Complete strangers with no interest in my tree at all have provided helpful information, and some people I have contacted have indeed replied that there is no link, and that is great, but still I would say that 80% of the contacts I have made so far have not replied, or cut the contact, including two with definte connections. It is surely simple enough, and only good manners to send a reply saying sorry no connection before deleting the message. The whole point of being on the list is to make contact with like minded people, and courtesy surely costs nothing. I am now restricting the number of contacts I make on the basis that my names are all there for anyone to find, its up to them to decide if they want to contact me, and their loss if they dont want to. Pam

Hi there, Whilst understanding that people have a right "not" to answer/privacy etc - why have they posted their inerests? I have contacted a few people - with only 1 reply. As someone said - a quick "sorry" wouldnot hurt. Why use GC - if they are not going to reply? What goes around comes around - as they say. Good luck to everyone in their search. Liz

Sorry if anyone feels they are being ignored. I started my tree in March with great enthusiasm, then searched for conections, none. I sat back & waited for new members & for someone to contact me, nothing. By early May I gave up, for a whille, & lived my life. I have now returned & found 5 contacts ranging from late May to early July. I will reply them all with any info I can provide, however I'm sure by now they will be feeling the same as you, that I am ignorant & bad mannered. The truth is I don't check for contacts every day or even every week (I don't even check my emails for weeks, too many pop-ups, everyday pages & pages of rubbish). I thought this site wasn't going to amount to much & feel that people have simply drifted away unaware that others have tried to contact them, have patience they may like me return someday.

Thanks to all of you who have responded to this post; it is great to know that I am not the only member suffering the same feelings. Although I only began my research Christmas past I have been able to do it almost full-time through health problems having forced me to taking early retirement. In effect I am still a newbie, but by having so much time on my hands I have probably achieved far more in the last 6mths than people who can only spare a few hours per week manage to do in a year or more. Since joining this site I have met two lots of unknown distant cousins from different parts of my tree with whom information has been shared. If this other un-named contact would respond then that would be a third. And all that since joining in May - one new set of relatives a month can't be a bad average. Thanks Genes Connected for a marvellous site and thank you to all those contacts who have replied to me.

Robert - sorry to learn of your health problems. I'm sure the friends you have made thru' this site will help you along. Having an interest in Family History has certainly improved my life, and I can get pleasure out of doing look-ups for others. It all helps to pass the time. Hazel

What is even more frustrating is when they respond to you and there is a definite connection and then you can't reach them again. Even worse as they only have a small part of their family tree on here so there's so much more to find out!

Im hoping you got my reply i sent you!! Wouldnt want to be the 'unnamed'

I agree - I contacted someone 4months ago and they replied to say that there was definitley a close connection and that they would send me some more information to fill the gaps which I have been desperately trying to cover for almost a year. I never heard from them again and they ignored further contacts. It was incredibly frustrating as I too have health problems which restrict how I can search - internet and telephone/letters is all I can manage. I now know that there is someone here on this site who could help me with my research (and I have much for them too) but they lost interest. They said that they would allow me to see their tree to get the info I needed - but the contact broke down before they ever 'clicked the button.' Ah well - everybody's different and not everyone is useful! :-) -Kat

In answer to Paul B Having thousands on a tree is not ridiculous, it is a matter of meticulous research over 20 years. When we get stuck on one line we go onto another and fill in all the gaps,spouses, children everybody. We have had many links on Genesconnected and always reply. On our own tree we have had links over the generations, where somebody from my wifes line have married someone from mine. If we did not have this info on our pc we would not know that there is a link. As the saying goes each to their own and i would rather have my tree than a skeleton one. The whole point of genealogy is you fill the branches.

Well done George,,I absolutely agree,by the way,,I contacted Faye Clark on 20th May,,and Im still waiting. A simple,,,'we dont have a connection' would be enough,

Hi Robert, It can be frustrating - some people I contacted still havent replied, but there could be any number of reasons for this. Those that have replied have been upfront - sorry no connection or yes there is a slight connection way back. I cant claim credit for most of the research for my husbands family - it was a wonderful relative of his - and he wanted to share with all the family - for which we are truly greatful. I have added about 150 people since joining here - the details of some given by fellow members. Have faith in them Robert, at least 98% of the members go out of their way to help and guide you. She

I've had mixed success on this site. Cousins I have found have been more than willing to share information and a few "un-relateds" have had the decency to reply. I have even received a couple of replies from contacts where there is no apparent connection. Perhaps GC could investigate changing their message forwarding software so that when a contact e-mail arrives, the recipient can simply click a button to send a "No connection" message. David