Genealogy Chat

I've been tracing my family tree for the last few months, and being find out more about my ggg Grandad. I found out last week that he was buried in my local cemetery, but I've just found out that because his family couldnt afford to purchase the grave that someone elses family is buried there as well, and the gravestone has no mention of my ggg Grandad. I'm sitting here in tears. I know its silly to feel this way, but with all the things I've found out about him I cant help feeling that I know him even though he died over 125 years ago. The cemetery can show me where he was buried, but how do I morn someone whose got a stranger buried above them, he should have been buried with his wife and children that loved him.

I know how you feel. My grandad is buried in an unpurchased grave as well, with others unrelated. So are his parents, not even together. I suppose at the time people perhaps couldn't afford to purchase the grave. Margaret

Karen, It is sad and I can feel for you. It doesn't matter how long ago they died as 'we' are only just finding out about them so it is new to 'us'. I went to Ireland a few years back and visited the cemetary where my grandparents are buried. I only know where as my mum was with us but she said they had been buried by the wall as a 'proper place' was beyond the family means. She also said that the wall had been moved in about 15 feet so no one knows if the graves were moved are are now outside the walls. Just console yourself with the thought that they met up again. Keep smiling, Jacky :-)

and Karen - he also has you to think of him hugs

We recently found that our gt grandparents had lost a 2 year old daughter. When we visited the cemetary we discovered the same thing - her grave was a 'common' one and had been purchased by someone else at a later date. However, we knew where and who she was and had a few quiet moments before leaving a silk rose on the stone - it may not have her name and we will never know what she looked like, but she still has a place in our hearts and thats what matters. We try to take a few silk roses with us whenever we search for graves, and mum usually brings some seeds to scatter too. Just makes us feel we have done our bit for their memory. Maz. XX

Hi Karen One of my nans younger brothers was Killed in 1910, he was only just under 2 yrs old. I been trying to find his grave for a while. I found that he was burried local, so in November i went to try and find his grave. The warden informed me that he could not tell me where his grave was, only an area. Thats not all, he was burried with another 5 people. There were no headstones on any of the graves. They had been taken away in the 50`s. Six months before that, i tried to locate my mums brother who died at birth. He was also placed in an unmarked grave with 2 other infants. Then SHOCK HORROR , i was informed that a walkway/path has been placed over the unmarked graves. All the graves belong to children. I did not think that they could do that. I know how you feel, when you start to research you find yourself realy getting to know that person. It makes you feel so sad when you find things like this. All the best Sarah

Hi my grandfather died in the seventies not that long ago but we could never get close to him he always kept everyone at a distance, since I started researching the family tree I have found that his father was killed during WW1 in France 1916 and then his mother died in 1918 makes you understand a person a little better doesn't it. Sue

Have you thought about making a small memorial for him? You can buy one of those planters (flowerholders) made of stone and get a plate made for it. I suppose it depends if there is any ownership of the plot - I mean if they are still alive. But if not what harm is there in placing something on the grave? You'd have to contact the cemetery to see if they have any objections. But the important thing is that you know where he is, and you can pass that info on to future generations so he will not be forgotten. Thats just as important as any headstone. Barbara

I know what you mean. I went to Tower Hamlets cemetery almost two years ago armed with the grave numbers for my Gt.Grandparents. What a shock when we got there it was an overgrown wilderness. There were people from the local fhs recording names etc., but when we were shown the area ours should be in just overgrown brambles and subsided stones. Again they were public graves. We were told we would have to go to the London metroploitan archives to find out who was in the graves.

Headstones can be moved after 100 years because the council feel that, by then, immediate family have died so no-one will bother. Please remember that, after 100 years in a wooden coffin, there is very little left, particularly of children, and so the grave is technically empty. This is why there are often two or three tightly-packed rows of headstones along the edge of the graveyard. Most of my great aunts and uncles were cremated and have no memorial stone, but I know whereabouts in the garden of rememberance the ashes were scattered. You are honouring the memory of the deceased person. What is more important - a grand headstone that nobody ever visits or even remembers, or a grave marked only with flowers, but belonging to someone whom you know and think about?

My ggg grandad was buried in Romsey abbey - not because he was any one important, but because he was too big (hefty) to be moved up the hill to the commoners burial ground. The Abbey refuse to admit he is buried there, but I found his large memorial stone put down as a piece of path! What is it going to be like for our descendents in the future, with all the cremations? My father was cremated in 1994. His wife wouldn't give our side of the family any of his ashes to take back to Cornwall. Then she died, and we have no idea where dads ashes are or if there is any memorial. However, I console myself with the fact that 'doing' genealogy means I am constantly thinking of him and his ancestors. Much better than visiting a cold stone. Genealogy is rather like Ancestor Worship.

Well done Maggie!!!! I, too, have a grandmother who was buried in a paupers grave along with 5 others and, when I wnt to the cemetery to find the plot, the warden ointed to an area and said it was somewhere up there. I was really shcked because, having never met her, I wanted to lay some flowers on her grave - something that I know now-one has ever done. That was 8 years ago when I first started this geaneology lark. Now, I feel she would be pleased with me for finding out about all her ancestors and loving them as much as she did. Shed a tear for them by all means but reward them by continuing to do your work.

I have found that my dad's grandmother is buried in a "common" grave with no marking at all. His grandfather is also buried in a "common" grave but due to the cemetery needing more space some years ago, they put extra soil on top of one section of the cemetery which happens to be where his grandfather is buried so now there is someone else's headstone where grandad is buried. It is upsetting when you first find out, but we lay flowers regularly, they may not be on headstones or directly on their grave but I know they are there and who they are for and I am sure granny & grandad know too. Now you have found them they will never be forgotten. Karen