Genealogy Chat

Hi Diane, I put a thread on a site called missing you and one of my daughters friends told her about it. We have been in contact for around 4 yrs now. I poured my heart out in the thread as there was a lot that happened to me that led to her adoption. I wanted her to know the truth and that I never wanted her adopted out.
She originally only got in touch with me to let me she was ok and to find out about any family illness`s. She told me at the time she had no intention of keeping in touch with me but even though we had only emailed one another she said she couldn`t help but feel a love for me and her siblings. So our emails kept flowing and eventually we met each other. It was amazing how similar we were not only in looks but nature. There were naturally a few emotional ups and down due to the guilt she felt for her adopted parents but with patient and years of love that I held for her we now have constant contact.
She was born in 1978 and at the time there was still a lot of pressure to give up your child and you were made to feel a lot of shame for being an unmarried mother in the UK. My parents made all the arrangements, they couldn`t wait for us to be separated and pretend it didn`t happen. They kept my head turned so I didn`t even get to see her. I felt so alone and like I had no say. I have lived with the pain of loss for many years and my answer to you would be to put up your details on as many adoption sites as possible. You have nothing to lose and much to gain. Even if you only find out she is well and alive is a feeling of relief. If you adopted your child out in another country try to get an adoption site in that country. I would go on as many site as possible. I wish you well in your search. I know the anguish and heart ache adoption can cause, Kindest Regards Sandy

Hi Diane - how about putting up a thread on Find Living Relatives? Adding details here would get lost in everything else.

Although you have already done what would be suggested, actually putting her name on an open board could lead to contact if anyone should search for her birth name.

If you decide to do so, give her birth name, month/year and place of birth and give very basic details of the circumstances. Also say that you have added yourself to the Adoption Contact Register and contacted SS etc.

Would you happen to know the names of the people who fostered her, perhaps from your legal 'fight'? If so, that should be included in your post on Find Living Relatives as they might be shown on the ER from 2002.

Even if you drop your subscription to GR, make sure that they always have your current email address so that you are notified if a relative sends a message.

Freebmd aim to transcribe all BMD up to 1983. If your daughter was born before then keep an eye for the GRO index transcription to appear. Then you can add a 'postem' giving a throw-away email address asking for contact.

Ancestry (& GR) have the indexes up to 2006ish. It is possible to add comments to the record on Ancestry to the same effect. Again, you'd probably want to open a free email account so that your usual one doesn't get inundated with spam/junk mail.

I am the mother of a child, now nearly 34 years old, adopted in the 1980's to a family who had initially fostered her as a 3 months old baby whilst I was in hospital. Our separation came about in effect due to lack of a mother and baby unit there and this distress slowed my recovery too, and I had rejected the suggestion of adoption and fought such that she was 5 years old when it happened.
I wanted to know that she was well but there were no letter box schemes then. I was told about changes in the law by support after adoption and looked forward to her becoming 18. The advice given me by SS in the past and BAAF more recently is to wait for her to contact me, have my details on the adoption contact register and in the files of the adoption agency (Norfolk social services in my case). I did search but my searches for her have been semi-successful - leading only to very slight and non reciprocal contact, some of it through this site.
Now hoping time will heal any misgivings holding her back so that we can know each other at last. She has never been a secret to my subsequent family.

I love this site - I get a question, and the answers come so quickly!!! Thanks everyone. I was just thinking with the impending changes to adoption law now, with everyone in the adoption world is talking about them, then the same might have happened then. cheers Liz

HI Dizzy, They would not have been informed by the adoption agencies or SS they would only have some sort of warning from what they would hear in the media about the law changing. Problem was when most adoption hit there peak in the 1960's there would have been no inclination that there would be this turn around in the law, thats why we always advice caution when searching for birth families pre 1975. Most woman in the 1960's where told to go away and put it all behind them they would never see the adoptee again, hence the fact many are afraid now as their new familes have no idea of there past. Best Wishes Sheila

Lizzy, In short >no the birth parents would not have been informed,, to adoptions prior to this time> but any person having a child since the changes are told that when the child reaches 18 then it has access to adoption files; Any one adopted before 1975 has by law to undertake counciling,,,from an appointed social worker.

AWWWWWW Jules, how lovely. Ann

Hi Dizzy Lizzy, From my personal experience as an adoptee (pre 1975), When I found my birth family they didn't know about the change in the law. They always hoped that one day I would come home.

The law changed in 1975 to mean that adoptees could access birth files and get more information etc. Does anyone have any idea how long it was a 'bill' for? (The stage before it becomes law). I guess what I am wondering is about birth parents - would they have been forewarned by the social worker that the law was changing, and if so, how many months / years before Nov 1975, was the idea around for? Guesstimates gratefully accepted! Liz