Genealogy Chat

From Depressed Dee....... During this past year have had some great successes with GR. However, I can only agree about the auto-messages and hope they will be scrapped. I also agree wholeheartedly that some people are amazingly rude and find myself increasingly very reluctant to allow people access to my family tree especially after a recent experience of not having any acknowledgement when I sent the relevant information on request. Like others who have written in about this, I have had two main experiences of large chunks of my tree being reproduced on GR by contacts who included living relatives of mine!! On only one occasion, the person concerned was very apologetic and removed the names immediately. Over the past few months I, too, have reluctantly begun to suspect that some people just want all the information without doing any work themselves or doing any of the research. As others have said, the research can be very rewarding as those of us who had to do it the hard way can confirm. It is such a pity to have to say all of the above as GR works really well some of the time. Cheer up everyone, there is hope when so many of us are feeling the same way about things! Dee

As I think Heather Positive Thinker said the other day....the most exciting bit of this hobby is when that envelope with a cert in it plops through the letter box and you get to see if you were right about uncle Fred marrying for the 10th time (or whatever!).......I cannot see why anyone would want all their tree on a plate?? Yes, it's nice to have some help when we are stuck, but it's the finding out that is usually more exciting than the end result, surely......????? Merry

Merry, Yes, we all need pulling out of the mire when we are stuck with our research. I have had to be pulled myself and enjoy helping others get out of the mire. However, after being helped, I usually feel new encouragement and am ready to get researching again with renewed vigour! There is one thing being helped; but having your entire family history delivered to you on a platter is quite another matter. I have had some positive meetings on this website. I met a third cousin and we really do SHARE our research. We even share the cost of buying certificates and then scan and send them to each other. He is not a user and I am not a user. He is not doing all the giving and neither am I - it's a partnership and it works! Some people pay lip service to sharing, but in fact all they do is take and many of them don't even have the decency to give you any feedback or thanks. The good contacts hopefully make up for the bad apples that you run into on this site. I think situations such as have been described on these forums may have made people reluctant to open their tree, because once trust is gone it is lost forever. However, if you are a genuine researcher, nine times out of ten you will get that across to people and they will share with you once you have shown them your credentials. You have to earn people's trust. It can be hard trusting people if you have already been burnt on this website. So bear this in mind folks. Don't whinge about people not sharing. If they won't share, make the discoveries yourself! You'll enjoy it more that way - believe me! However, I totally agree about those awful templates. They must be one of the biggest turn offs on the site. I hate to say this, but if I receive one of those templates, I can feel myself getting a bit angry because I feel if the person had any decency or empathy, they wouldn't use them. So I am slightly biased against the person from the start of our interaction! Please bear this in mind folks and don't use those 'Can I see your tree' template or the 'This is not my relative template'!!! They are ghastly! I am a NAME not a number!!! I think I need a lie down now!! (Tee-Hee) ;-) Happy Hunting Everyone! Cheers, Horatia

I had one lovely one. Can I see your tree. I asked who on my tree they were interested in. Reply came back George Martin. I have 8 George Martins (!) so I asked which one? Oh, any of them, it was my grandads name so I am looking for any George Martins. Tough! I said come back to me when you know more details and I will tell you if there is any connection. Madness.

To be fair, I have had some wonderful responses to enquiries. In fact the majority have been great. I have also 'met' distant members of my family. However, like most of you, I cannot understand how people want their trees presented to them. When I have asked for help it is usually been because I am stuck. All I want is to be sent in the right direction. There is nothing better than to hunt down an ancestor on the census and find that his mother or father is living with the family. One more generation back! To look on FreeBMD and find that marriage. And, yes, that certificate arriving. Living in Australia, I have to wait just a little longer, but it's worth it!! Susan

I'm a beginner so I'd hate to tread unwittingly on anyone toes but in my short membership I also have had one of those awful automated replies. Thank you to for the warning about sharing trees, I see the danger now. This also explains for me some of the more abrupt replies and makes me wonder if I've been too verbose ...just like this...in my replies. I do appreciate your views and help. Reg.

I've been in contact with someone and they've basically said if I want information to ring them. Is it just me that would be less than keen to ring a total stranger?

I'm a fairly new member as well and already have had the same experience,I don't understand why people pay money to come to a site as good as this and then say they are related to your 'tree member' but refuse to give you their tree information.I keep basic information on my gene tree and if there is a good connection I will send a file to the person now.A lot of hard work goes into creating your tree and sometimes it's one little clue from someone else that can lead you to where you've missed before.I had one lady who had much to give me and all I had was one last name she had searched for 15 years so was happy. Happy New year and all the best searching in 2006.

I'm fairly new too, and again, have had various types of responses. Fortunately none downright rude (so far at least!) My very first contact - a long shot with someone sharing a surname & location - helped me find my gt grandmother. Not easy because her birth wasn't registered (1844) although 2 of her sisters were. Many thanks debbie for getting me started. We have shared some certificates & swop any further information we get on this branch. GR as it should be. My big bugbear is the guy I share about 40 names with - he acknowledged my initial contact but hasn't been in touch since. Its not as though I 'need' to copy his information, as we so obviously have already duplicated the main bones of it (up to 1901 anyway). I'd just like to know where my second & third cousins are now - a branch of the family I've never known. He is the key as he will know who my gt grandmother's brother married. (Too many possibilities for me to justify getting the certs for them all) I don't like to copy trees because you can't necessarily rely on the information, but if someone can give you clues to point you in the right direction that's great. As for copying certificates - saves a lot of money if someone has already got them - though I can appreciate some people might not want to be so free with information they have spent tons of money getting. A very individual opinion I suppose, and could depend on just how closely related you are?

On the whole I have found all my contacts to be polite and prompt in replying. I never use the auto reply facility. However, I did contact someone on this site who was related to my grandmother's first husband. I had his ( the husband's) birth certificate and a letter from his sister and I really thought that these documents belonged with the family rather than with me. So I firstly scanned and sent images to the individual concerned and told him all the details I knew. Then I sent the originals to him. I didn't receive a thank you or any acknowledgement. Still, guess I'm not suprised, maybe the whole family are like gran's husband!

Oh thats awful Janet. I dont understand how people can be like that. I get so excited and pleased if anyone sends me info, even if its a correction. Ive had three people contact me in the last couple of days, give a name and ask to see tree. Now, I dont want to lose the possibility that these people are connected so I give them access but so far, nothing, not a thanks but not connected, not, thats great, heres what I know. Nothing. I guess we are all made differently.

Heather - this reminds me of another thread earlier this year! :-) Joy

Heather, Please take this in the jovial and comical spirit it is intended; but don't be so free with opening your tree. Think about men and women. They are more likely to come back if you don't give them EVERYTHING straightaway - keep some mystery! Don't hand it over to them in one fell swoop - you leave them nothing to come back for! Plus you don't get the chance to ask any questions. I agree that shenanigans such as this shouldn't be necessary with adults; but as you have seen yourself - with some people it is!!!!! Cheers, Horatia Horatia alias Mata Hari!!!!!!

Heather, Im not sure whether the word RUDE is the right one. Sometimes, especially those who fancy their chances at doing their family tree, buy a book which tells you how EASY it is to do, then they decide to have a go. Thats where the easiness finishes. they see a name which they think they recognize and send off a message. Because they havent dont their tree in a day, they say 'sod it, this is not as easy as I thought' sso they dont bother replying and throw the book away. There are also people who collect infomation and make money out of selling it to various sources, calling themselves researchers, which of course they arent, but they arent RUDE, they are just nobodies. The ones dont like are those who put messages on, get loads of information from kind people, then you never hear from them again, not a thanks or an acknowledment of all the work done for them. There is one lady, who posted a month or so ago seeking info. She got about a dozen replies ranging from the 1851 right up to the 1901 census. She never acknowledged anyone. here is she is again last week, looking for the same surname. So I posted her a POLITE message suggesting to her that a thanks goes down well and you then get far more help. NO reply again from her. She either thinks she entitled to help or cant be bothered to reply. I dont know whether thats RUDENESS or just LAZINESS after all by signing up to ANCESTRY she could have got all that info herself. It takes all sorts. TED XX

Well Ted, Ive had more than my fair share of help from people on here and I am so very genuinely grateful for their help as Im not the brightest being in the world (though I do try). But I cant understand how anyone can be satisfied just getting a list of stuff from someone else and saying, thats it, job done. Its so much more exciting to find out things yourself (when I can!)

heather, my sentiments entirely. This family tree business is a very expensive hobby, more so than any other hobby I can think of, but its so addictive, TED

What you say is true Ann, but Ted's post did save people from spending MORE money doing lookups for others when they had already been done. I'm afraid it does get rather exasperating for those who do lots of lookups!! I must have spent many pounds trying to help people who, though they are clever enough to post the first message, seem then to have a brain drain and never return!!!! Even sending a PM usuually results in.......................................Nothing! Merry

The posters do have a responsibility to check back. If they can't even work out for themselves how the boards work, what chance do they stand of ever doing their own research? Life is not all about being spoon fed - sometimes you have to be proactive. If you don't know how something works then you ask questions! Then hopefully, you can then go off and find out these things for yourself. I enjoy helping people but I don't expect to be permanently holding their hands - just nudge them in the right direction. Some GR users (not all!) are often getting help at the financial expense of other people. It wouldn't hurt some of them to dig deep in their own pockets and spend a fiver on 1837 online for their OWN research or take out an Ancestry subscription - WE all have to! Cheers, Horatia PS I think Ted and Merry have BOTH made very 'right on' points!

Maybe I am a sad G**, but I STILL get a thrill out of clicking the button on the 'puter or winding the film, or turning the page and looking FOR MYSELF to see if that elusive entry is there (or whatever).......... I can't understand why anyone would want to miss out on that bit?? There's the feeling that you might be the only person in the world who cares whether that birth registration or baptism, or whatever, exists.............and then you find it......Yeeeeesssssssss!! LOL Sometimes we have to ask others for help, but it just isn't the same when they say, ''Yes, I found it'', however grateful you feel. Merry