Genealogy Chat

After reading a few threads on here tonight I'd like to add my twopenceworth... see below

I've found several excellent leads by allowing people with matches to view my tree and asking for permission to view theirs. If you're worried about confidentiality exclude living persons.

When I send a request for 'hot match' info I always give permission to view my tree, I think it gives the other person more of a chance to see if there really is a connection. Then, if they don't give me permission after a week or so, I remove them from my list (I un-tick). I had thought that that was a polite way of going about it, though it seems that loads of people disagree and never give access to their trees (that's individual choice) The other thing about people using GR as their primary tree... you don't know when you begin that you're going to spend £70 on ancestry and that you're going to need software etc so of course this is your primary tree - I started in November and I've JUST ordered a FTM disc (can't wait for it to get here as I'm getting a bit worried about losing my new-found, long-dead rellies) So don't get all upset, all you people that have been doing this for yonks and have got back to one of Adam's grandchildren, if a newbie doesn't really know what she's doing when she gives you access to her measly little tree and all the newbies together end up giving you a massive list of 'contacts'... Sarah :-)

I have never had a hot match! You are lucky!!! Merry x

Me too Bob, Hot matches are really useful, I'm not worried about people seeing my tree though I can understand that those people with very big trees can get inundated with lists of 'permission to view my tree' from people that they are not really connected to. Sarah :-)

Sarah I understand what you are saying, but after reading today that someone has had their tree stolen - by a member of this Site, who has absolutely NO connection with her tree - and that tree is now plastered on One World Tree - well, I am NEVER going to give ANYONE permission to see mine, ever again. If I make a contact on here, I do the initial skirmishing by PM. This is usually quite sufficient to prove to ME that they have no connection to my tree whatsoever and there is no need therefore to let them see it. I recently had a frantic plea for info about 'Jane Smith' on my tree. Actually, I didnt have one. I pointed this out and the requestee said, oh, I know, but I thought you might know where MY Jane Smith is. This person hadnt even bought the marriage cert which would have told them quite plainly what they needed to know. My tree has cost me blood sweat and tears AND hundreds of pounds.(Well, probably thousands, actually) I am happy to share IF there is a genuine connection, but I am not just giving away my most precious possession (LOL) to anyone, for them to do what they like with it. Olde Crone

Olde Crone, I can see what you mean about your tree costing you time & money and I appreciate that. (I think I'm going down the same path!) I also disagree with tree kid-napping to post elsewhere without explicit permission to do so. I just wanted to explain that we don't all see it the same way, and a newbie's outlook is quite, quite different to someone that has been doing this seriously for some time... Sarah :-)

Quote: So don't get all upset, all you people that have been doing this for yonks and have got back to one of Adam's grandchildren, if a newbie doesn't really know what she's doing when she gives you access to her measly little tree and all the newbies together end up giving you a massive list of 'contacts'... Hi Sarah, It's probably my thread you are referring to here and that's fine. The reason I posted that thread was to vent some frustration AND to try and educate the newbies. However, I have a feeling it isn't just newbies who fall foul of the default tick and forget to close their tree when no connection has been established. As many people have said, why is viewing someone's tree seen as the be all and end all? It isn't. You don't need to see a tree at all. I prefer it when I 'discuss' (by messaging or email) family relationships with my contacts rather than showing them my tree. First, you can really suss them out and can speedily establish if there is a connection or not. I can usually tell from their first sentence if there is a link or not. If there is a connection I usually send a modified report from my Family Tree software which allows me to miss out living people entirely. Have to say that I haven't found many new contacts lately - even with all these so called 'hot matches'! ;-) Cheers, Horatia

Margaret, You're right, you do need proof. BUT - you need to know what you're looking for. I'm still in the first phase - the names are coming thick and fast, I'm making myself a tree of sorts on here and when I eventually (next week hopefully) get my FTM disc I'll put my 'tested & proven' rellies on that. I wanted this GR one to be the 'real' one but my little note book with 'check this' scribbled everywhere became... well... what did it become? ... Illegible (I guess) with all the family notes mixed up, it addles my brain just to look at it. Now I've got a starting point and I can go through and check all by bmds and order what I need to. Sararh :-)

I have to say I used to think that the purpose of being on this site was sharing all we had. Ive had a couple of experience which have made me much more cautious. One chap contacted me over hot matches and there was a definite connection and I was happy to give my info and asked him for the details marriage cert of one of his. He said he was just waiting for it - that was back in November. Meanwhile he goes through my tree and I hear nothing more from him until I find that I have a lot more hotmatches under his name of people who are in NO WAY connected to him but through the other side of my family. I have contacted him and asked him nicely why he has added these people who have no significance to his line at all. Ive not had a reply. In future, I shall give only that line info and only if I feel I am going to get some information in return.

Hi I too had someone put information from my tree on the one world tree. Initialy i was a bit disturbed by this, as he had put mothers name albeit her maiden name on the tree. Although, he did not go further than this. However, because i am still finding it hard to break down my own vast brickwall i wish someone connected to main line of enquiry would do the same! I have been doing geneology for the last five years and i still see myself as a newbie! This site has assisted me vastly not only by connecting with others who are researching the same lines but also the great help members have given me in trying to break down my wall.

Hi Horatia, Yes, I think it probably was your thread, though there have been a few recently.. I can understand that you end up getting really protective of your tree, with all the time & effort that you've put into it, (I will probably get there too) but newbies like me aren't at that stage yet. I guess we're just so grateful for all the help from everyone on here that we want to share our little trees too.... Sarah :-)

Heather, I think we all start out innocent, naive and trusting on this site but one bad experience usually suffices as a good learning curve. I think you can still share on this site - you just need to choose HOW you share and ensure that you are helping genuine researchers and not Mr Grabit and Run. Cheers, Horatia PS Saffron Waller on this site and I have shared rellies. I gave her a lot of info at the beginning and then told her to research the rest for herself as she would enjoy it more. However, I did say that if she got stuck on a line to contact me and that arrangement seems to work fine for us. It would spoil it all for Saffron if I just handed her EVERYTHING on a plate - but she knows she can ask if she wants to.

I had a similar situation - someone from Hot Matches contacted me and I don't remember giving permission to view my tree (its easy not to take the tick off the bottom of messages if you are in a hurry). Anyhow he gave me permission to see his tree and I was horrified when I saw he had all my family tree on there! I do have some family contacts thro GR and I wonder if he got took detail from someone else? - it has made me think about taking some of my more recent details off my tree.

Sarah I think you have possibly misunderstood the tone of the threads you are referring to. No-one is moaning about being inundated with tree permissions - the concern of we long-term members is that many people simply do not realise they have given permission to view their trees. And that, even if they have, they are not aware of possible distressing consequences. We have had many a post from a member, horrified to find that their recently-deceased Mum, or much-loved Granny, has been tacked onto someone else's tree, either by carelessness or by design - and has NO RIGHT or connection to that tree. The various members of this Site have very varying standards of proof. Some of us want absolute accuracy, and others right down to those who just want a few likely-looking names to add to their tree and dont have the slightest intention of spending a ha'penny of their own money to prove anything. Enjoy your research - but do be cautious, not everyone on this Site is what they seem. Olde Crone

Hi Heather, Poor you, being hi-jacked like that. Though, being a positive-thinker, you may realise that not everyone sticks to their 'main line' (though it DOES sound like a rellie-napping to me) The first person who gave me permission had LOADS of info on my mother's line which I copied without hesitation onto my tree. Then, after a couple of weeks I started to realise the protocol involved and PMed him to tell him what I'd done and would he prefer that I removed it (which I would have done - but still kept it in a notebook) he said that when he gave permission he knew what he was letting himself in for and that it was OK. (We turned out to be 1st cousins 3x removed - or something... I'm not very good with seconds & removed... His gggf was my gggm's brother) Anyway, the whole thing being - We all live and learn, until I get a bad experience I'll keep sharing and checking my contact list for the tick boxes....then maybe I'll think differently Sarah :-)

Going to bed now, Thanks for discussing that. Night night.... Sarah (where it's midnight with 3 kids to get up in the mornigng) ... I saw the typing error but I'm too tired to fix it.... anyway that's how I feel,...

Hi Sarah & all, A late (or rather early) thought .... it's 'respect' for others' ancestors/research that's really missing! Most of us, I suspect, don't mind sharing provided the sharee shows some kind of 'respect' for our work - and hopefully a bit of interest too. Granny-snatchers are all to frequent, I find. As for 'hot matches' ... well, even if I did plough through 'em all, I fear burnt fingers might be the result. Agree that a little dance-round-the-handbags is needed before opening trees or gedcoms! Regs Jane PS: Mostly people behave well and are great contacts - please don't get the impression that there are too many vultures out there!

Jane has a valid point. Most people are well behaved and making contacts, for me at least, goes a long way to enhancing ones enjoyment of the hobby. I now have more than 300 contacts, and have shared information on my tree with more than half of them. Sometimes I let them accerss my tree on the site, other times it is by email, or both - it all depends on the circumstances.Part of the fun is helping each other with their research. Only twice have I come actross what appears to be a name grabber and in both cases simply deleted the contact.

An interesting thread. I am in two minds about giving permission to view my tree (but then I am a Pisces so never know which way to swim!!). After a couple of experiences recently when my whole tree was copied and I found myself on my own 'new names' list, I think that I will be a bit more careful in the future. I am also quite adamant that I will carefully check out the information that I find on other people's trees. Although most of the information that I have been given by other members has been useful, well-researched and very gratefully received, I have had a few experiences where the contact has quite clearly just been a 'name gatherer' and the data is incorrect. I realised this recently when I was given access to another member's tree and found a couple being born 45 years after they were married!!