Genealogy Chat

Hi Merry, Yes it is the shared grave that's upset me. He was lost in action during the war and when he was found he and the others with him had lost the plot according to my Mum. Apparently he went between living on the street and time is psyciatric hospitals as he just couldn't cope with the real world and never got in touch with his family again. I just feel that he was badly let down by everyone through no fault of his own. Do I tell my Dad? Jayne x

That's a shame Jayne, iam always surprised at my own reaction when i find out about something sad. My mother had an older sister who died from food poisoning after a sunday school trip when she was just 11. I was devastated to find she was in a poorpa's grave with other people she didn't know. It still upsets me when i think about it. That was 1931 i can only think it was the depression and maybe there wasn't any money about.Still nothing we can do about it is there? Best wishes Gill

I agree with what Dea said..... Is it the shared grave that is the part bothering you.....??? If I say plenty of people, rich and poor, are still buried in communal graves (ie with strangers) it makes it sound as if I'm saying ''pull yourself together'', which I'm not! It's a relatively modern concept to have a family grave (well, except for the very rich).......... Isn't it strange how things can catch you out though?? Merry

Thanks Dea, I know you're right and I will try and look at it that way. It's just so hard when it's not some distant relative who died a hundred years ago, it's my grandfather who died 15 years ago. I didn't know these things still happened. Thank you for your support. Jayne x

Jayne, There are SSooo many really sad things that happen in this world. You discover many of them when you embark on this 'hobby'. - The only thing I can say is that you cannot change the past - learn from it, but don't let it destroy your future. Think of what you have now and how you can go forward and TRY not to get too upset about things in the past which you cannot change. Dea x

Those of you who have been helping me find the details of my dad's family will know I knew nothing about my grandfather. Through your help I found his marriage to my grandmother and his birth. I wanted to access his army records and needed his death certificate. I telephoned the local crematorium today and found out he died in 1991 in a residential home and was buried in a shared grave. This has absolutely devastated me. How can this happen in 1991? This man had children who he disowned and hadn't see for over 40 years but he didn't deserve to go like this. He had severe mental problems caused during the war. I'm I stupid to feel like this - sat here crying while I'm typing this - about a man I never knew and who made my dad's life hell the few years they lived together? Jayne x

See Below