Genealogy Chat

You are quite right Heather and thank you everyone else for your thoughts........ No dad to talk to about this:o(( Can't decide whether to tell my mum. Don't think she will be that bothered about it (that sounds harsh, but true!) so maybe I won't just yet........... On the other hand......feel I should tell cousin who reminded me about this (which was at the back of my mind somewhere) and let her know that without her I would never have looked. Still don't know why I did........ Hmmmm.....can't tell cousin without telling mum........ Thinking............. M x

Yes Tom, she's going on my tree....... Will get the certs when I am more composed........ Merry

Hope it goes Ok, good luck

Merry How sad but you must put her on your tree then she will be a real person to you, and remembered. Kat

Tell you what Merry, I shall fill my coffee cup with Chardonnay for her and pass some to you and Jess - when shes finished getting bits of baccy off her lower lip! And I also want you to toast my older bro - who would be what - gawd 60 this year! Cheers guys, god bless where you are.

Hi Merry, Your story reminds me of the Bill Oddie edition of WDYTYA. He was visibly moved when he discovered the name of his sister who died at a few days old. I found some young cousins aged 8 and 12 in the workhouse on the 1851 census and I would lay awake at night worrying about them! How weird is that?! But this family history does bring long dead people to life. It's a funny old game family history, but I love it - even when it does churn you up inside. When you feel like that at least you know you still have feelings and aren't 'dead'! The sad feelings will lessen in time and yes, I do think you should put Pamela on your tree. It's kind of like a memorialisation of her which is nice. All the best, Horatia

Thanks everyone and Twinkle.....I am not celebrating my 41¼ today though....In fact am almost 41½!!! I shall certainly think of you as my Pamela! (gosh that sounds strange...) Heather......suppose I'm too late and you have already drained the mug??, so am filling my own here...... A toast to all those who were only with us a short time and could so easily be forgotten......... Cheers!! Jess.....get on with the packing........ M x

I found my Dad had a young brother who died at the age of 2 months. My Dad was only 3 at the time and never remembered his brother. They were christened together as well. Wish my Dad was here so I could tell him. :-( I felt so sad about the baby...he would have been my uncle. Viv

I always knew my grandparents on my Dad's side had lost children (including a set of twins) but never knew any more details than that. Last week trawling through all the births on ancestry's free bmd index (beta), I found them by chance. My Dad (the baby of the family) would have had an elder brother called Ernest and elder twin sisters called Joan and Diana. It felt really good to have finally 'found' them. Emma

How sad Merry

No, its ok Merry, Ive got three straws in the next cup - if Jess is finished removing the baccy from her teeth.

Jess has been busy removing the brown sticky tape from her hair~ dont ask~ My Mum had a brother whose very short life was never mentioned either - she grew up as an only one, so Cheers 'George' Not too much of the falling down water please, clear head needed for solicitors tommorow. jess x

it's so nice to know other people feel sad at not having known close relatives. I had a brother who died at six weeks and was three years older than me. The one death that upset me was my grandfather.He was murderedwith a single bullet to the head in the Katyn forest in 1940. He was a Polish policeman and was only 39. We never found out until the late 1980's, so my father who died in 1982 only saw his father being arrested by the Russians and taken away from their home. He never saw him again or knew what happened to him. My grandmother had died in 1980, again without knowing what happened to her husband. Its funny how after all these years it can still make you feel so sad.

But this is what I meant - because of our anoraking we are making these people live again - we are adding their names and lives to our trees for posterity.

exactly, gone but not forgotten

Ive got names/lives on my tree from back in the early 18th century when they only lived on this earth for a few days or months. They live forever now - even stashed by the mormons under their mountain in Utah!

Exactly! Jess, are you exchanging tomorrow, or what??? Merry

Merry, If you are anything like me you will come to realise that Pamela lives on in your memory and her life although short meant something. No one living knew my great gran had twins that died in infancy but I acknowledge their short lives each christmas. (All my Xmas baubles have dead rellies names and dates on) My grandmother had a stillborn daughter before my mother was born and I would love to be able to commemorate her existence. Unfortunately I don't know when or where she was born.(It could have been before registration of stillbirths)

Hello Merry If its any help Merry i have lost 4stillborn babies and its an awful thing so i can understand how you feel loosing a sister. Its quite a shock send you lots of hugs Pauline

It may be that your mother already knows - one of those things that couples talk about but too painful for your father to discuss with you or any other family member. My Dad had a first marriage which he doesn't discuss except for the odd comment mostly about him being on the farm (long standing joke as it is always 'When I was on the farm........' ). My Mum has told me lots of things recently since researching my tree and I can't believe the amount of pain and betrayal that my Dad has had to live with. It makes me see him in a completely different light as before I often thought of my Dad as quite emotionally detached but now I know why.