Genealogy Chat

Im a bit wazzed off here, Someone contacted me ages ago via Genes to say that we have the same family members in our tree's, I have given access to my tree but despite exchanging e-mail, this person just keeps saying the same thing,,,'i have a lot of info on this family'...'i have a lot of info on this family' If they dont want to swap info then why get in touch with me.?? Dont know what to say to them next without being rude,,

I have had this happen to me. First thing is to take away access to your tree. You do this by going into YOUR CONTACTS and then remove the privelege of them seeing your tree. Then I am afraid you will have to just wait. Now, I never allow anyone to see my tree without them havibg something to offer in exchange. By that I mean, they have to prove a link and offer me something I do not have. It is not right, as it stops the genuine ones that have nothing to offer me the opportunity to start on the first rung sos to speak.

Claire, Yep, happened to me too! Best I can suggest is that you keep a dialogue going - people communicate at different levels, so you may need to drag this person along till they synch up with you. Perhaps try asking what their interest in the family is, ie what their relationship would be. That sometimes 'unblocks' the log jam. Whilst I generally think kindly of folk, there are some strange ones out there! Regs Annie

I'd pick out specifc person and ask specific Q's - perhaps something like I have John Brown born so-and-so in 1840 whatever, do you have a death place for him?

Some contacts are fab and exchange info. Others ask to see your tree and when you ask politely how they think you are connected you never hear from them again. Some people you contact never respond. Some do respond, but don't give you any info. All part of the genealogy frustration/excitement cycle. But if your contact isn't giving you any help, withdraw their access to your tree asap. I might be tempted to e-mail them saying 'I have withdrawn access to my tree as there clearly doesn't seem to be any link with your family'. That might get a response explaining how. nell

I'd say the same as Jess - ask a specific question. Another thing I have done (v naughty!) is to make a statement about someone, knowing that statement to be incorrect!! Sometimes this will draw them out! Merry

Brenda has sent me a PM requesting that i dont make fun of newbies I cant see where,,,in my initial thread, that i have done that, I have had lots of good contacts on here and made some good friends. Im delighted to help anyone and get great enjoyment out of it so I hardly think my complaint is 'making fun' of anyone, Jess,, I already tried that,,she didnt have the info i asked,,,just said she had lots of info on other family members but wouldnt go any further, Iv decided to withdraw my tree access and see what happens,

Having loads of information doesn't mean that it can be communicated with the click of a button. I have loads of information on my Skillings besides what is on the computer, but some is in project files, some in lever arches, some in notebooks and goodness knows where the rest is. My intentions are excellent, but putting it all together is a challenge and a half. If I could find my scanner, I would still have to find the software and reload it, and then scan everything and hope that my dialup connection could cope with the attachments. Can you phone your contact, or meet your contact? There's a fine line between encouraging and pestering. Possibly, they want to give you EVERYTHING but the thought of putting all together is too daunting. Information on one person at a time may prove more manageable to produce. If you can, try to keep up a dialogue, without sounding too impatient. The information won't disappear, but your contact might.

Phoenix,, Your missing the point of what Im saying,,, Im not asking her to give me loads of info,,and Id happily pass on anything that i have ,,In fact if she didnt have anything at all...I would happily give her all i have, Its this,,,'i have loads of info',,,.end of sentence, I dont really know what to ask her now, What would you suggest? Iv been researching for over 10 years now but am still happy to learn.

The ones that amuse me are the ones that say they have opened their tree and will you open yours, when you click to see how many they have in their tree, their is just 1. I do realise that they may have their tree in another source other than Genes. What I do, is ask who they are interested in, then if that person is in my tree, I will give them all the information I have on that person, not my whole tree. My last sentence is always, if you need more information, dont hesitate to ask. I think sometimes people are rushing when they type and the message comes over a little bit curt. June xx

Claire, it could be that they have so much info that they don't know where to start. I recently(ish) got in contact with a third cousin on here and I have a folder full of certificates, a card index full of notes of census entries etc., another folder full of wills, and all kinds of stuff about this family. If I tried to send her everything (and I don't have her postal address yet) she would be overwhelmed with it all! So what I did was give her access to my tree on here and a bit of information and asked her to tell me when she was ready for more (she hasn't said she is yet!) Of course, it would be easier for me if she asked for something specific, but if not I would just pick out the next few things that she might be interested in. So maybe if you ask your contact for something specific they will give you a more helpful reply! And it could be that they know some 'dark secrets' and are not sure if you want to know them or not. I thought I should tread very carefully when I was contacted by the husband of another cousin on here as there was so much stuff that I thought she might not want to know about her ancestors if easily shocked(and from what her husband said, it seems I was right!) Kate.

I would keep asking questions to flesh out your own info. Make sure to check what they are saying is true. For example, you could ask who did X marry? Did they have any children? What were their names? Next time the person says: 'I have a lot of info' just say well in that case when did X die? Better to get info in dribs and drabs than not at all. If you don't get ANY answers then I would withdraw authority to see tree and forget them. Cheers, Horatia

So relate to this. I had someone get in touch with me as we share a common g grandmother, I knew this to be true as she said that her mum remembered all my aunts and uncles and names them. she hadn't been dloing this long and no other info on the family. It was a tricky family as marriage was hard to trace ( six years after first child) and family members dropping dead between census' as they have a habit of doing. I plodded on though and managed to get this branch back to the late 1700's. I sent her all the family record groups and photcopies of the birth and marriage certs. After she said she was going the the records office and would be in touch, I haven't heard from her since, despite several mails from me asking if she was ok.....very wazzed off!! this was months ago so cant think I will hear again and she got all me hard earned work!! I do have to say though that this is an isolated case and i have several 'new' cousins who are wonderful Fuzzy xx

It winds me up too. A while ago a woman got in touch with me saying she was helping a friend. There was a connection and we E-mailed back and forth and she said she had this and that info. I sent her scans of 5 or more certificates and gave her other bits of info that I had and she didn't and she said she would send me the stuff she had. She sent me a clipping from a newspaper and that was it. She then said the friend was now entering her info onto this site and she would contact me when she had done that - that was the last I heard. I have E-mailed again to chase her up and ask her to get her friend to get in touch but still haven't heard anything back - really not amused. Freeloaders spoil it for everyone else because then we stop trusting everyone.

Hi everyone My experience has covered the full spectrum with contacts,from a quick one line message saying 'we share Fred Bloggs' to a detailed message where someone has obviously looked for specific surnames in my tree,and the dreaded 'can i see your tree' without so much as a name that is of interest. Generally now i try and establish a link and then send a few details overr a few messages,then if everything looks good will send a family report from my FTM. There are times when i have more details about a line in my tree (and they can be very obscure connections at times) than someone who has that branch as a direct line to themselves. I have found that most of my contacts have had lots of info about the first two generations and only look at census returns beyond that,and often have missing children who were born and died between census years,it does annoy me when i have 3x g g/mothers second hubby traced through to 1920 and one of his direct line says he was an only child when i know he is one of seven,nothing will sway the belief of the other tree owner but there you go. Glen

I have to say that someone recently contacted me re Horstead connection. I replied asking the connection -' my cousin is divorced from xxxxHorstead'. Now call me picky, but I dont want to give 6 generations of Horstead info to someone whose cousin was briefly connected with a distant Horstead. I am still sickened by one chap on here who has branches of my family so far removed from his little connection that they are meaningless, but he whipped them all off my tree and just added them. Name collectors.

I have now set myself some very firm rules. 1. Ignore any message which just says 'Can I see your tree'. 2.If the contact is daring enough to actually give me the NAME of the possible link (LOL), I respond with something like 'Her parents were John and Mary, but I dont know who she married - do you have any info on this?'. Depending on the response to that question, I inch forwards, giving a bit of info at each message. But I have to say at this point, that not one proven connection has ever come out of these exchanges - the Hot Matcher has not done their homework properly and at that point I withdraw! 3. Do not hand all information to anyone on a plate - I managed to find the information I have, in most cases, quite easily - so can they. I will tell them where to look for further info (usually Parish Registers) and offer future help should they become stuck. 4. Never ever ever under any circumstances, open my tree to anyone. I do not wish to see MY ancestors tacked onto the end of someone who is totally unrelated to me. I have one, and only one, firmly proven Contact on GR. It is interesting that we have never been in each other's Hot Matches! He made me wait for 16 months for information. I have far, far more than he does, which I am very willing to share and like Phoenix, I have the very best of intentions. But the photos are in Albums, in frames, under the bed in a box; the Parish Register info is in various files along with certs etc. I am daunted by the sheer volume of stuff I have to find and then scan, but I am doing it gradually. I have realised that I ALWAYS have much more information than anyone else - well, I've been doing it for nearly 40 years, off and on - and I never get anything back. Call me stingy, but it is starting to grate on me, particularly when I realise that they have not researched enough to even prove a link.And as all these supposed 'links' are usually in the 1700s, it irritates me even more. Olde Crone

No, no, no, NO Crone! It is always ME who has more info than the other person, even when the ancestor in question is my fifth cousin, once removed, and their grandfather! LOL The last person I was in contact with who said, ''I have so much on this family'' (as Claire said in her original post) was going to send me photos of her ancestors. Then NOTHING.......three years went past and then she contacted me again through this site. She didn't realise it was me at first (because of the pseudonym), but offered me the very same photos again! Aaaagggggghhhhhhhhhh She still hasn;t sent them and that was probably a year ago. It would be better if she had never said she had any (from my point of view) Merry

Olde Crone and Merry, I am another of those people that have far more info than any of my contacts! I only have my tree on show to one person (my third cousin) that's because I know he is a proper researcher. We have shared the cost of buying certs and exchanged photos. I know he isn't a name collecter! He also understands privacy and like me is more interested in having dead people on his tree than living ones! Cheers, Horatia

Ann Yes, I agree, my ancestors are not my exclusive property - but I want to be sure I share my information with only those who genuinely share my ancestors, not the fishing mob. OC