Genealogy Chat

Thank you Sylvia. Each time I open my emails I hope to see a reply but........ :-(


I agree with the curiosity/nosey comment as I would love to be able to fit my chap and his family into context but, as with Sue, I do not have the 'right' to force anything on him which he may not want to know.

So, again like Sue.......I will be patient. :-D

Thanks Sylvia :-)

I haven't as yet received a reply from my cousin but I will be patient.

On the other hand I have had some very nice "chats" with my "new" nephew :-)

Very thoughtful thread.

Thanks, Sue

I didn't think of using FB ............. although I am not sure if I will, as I like to preserve my privacy, and I know rellies who are on there are not very careful of what and how much they post.

I'm extremely careful what I say to them, as I don't think they have even the first level of security!

I'm also not sure I want to chase Uncle Tom Cobley and all .................... my ancestors had large families, moved all over the place, and most have had no contact with any others for several generations (or about 150-200 years!).

.......... unless I could be assured that I would find a billionaire hidden in there :-D :-D


I also believe, like Sue and Cyn, that too much is made of people's "rights to know" over-riding the rights of others to preserve privacy.

In some cases, that could be translated into just plain nosiness, or liking to pass on gossip.

Although I do maintain that all of us who do genealogy are blessed (or cursed) with a large dose of nosiness. If we weren't, we probably would not spend so much of our time delving into other people's lives, and wanting to know what our ancestors had been up to :-D :-D


Good luck, Sue and Cyn :-)

You never know Cynthia :-D

Same scenario here Sue.......are you sure we're not after the same chap??? :-D

Cynthia I feel the same about my cousin who I mentioned in my opening post. I would be very happy if he answered my message or accepted my invitation on FBook but if he would rather not have contact with me then that is his choice. I certainly won't hound him. His adult children are also on FBook but I will leave them alone too.

Exactly Sue.

Too much is made of people's 'rights' these days.

With 'rights' comes that word RESPONSIBILITY.

People sometimes forget that.


I have made contact with a new found cousin of my husband's. I introduced myself and explained a little bit about the family.

The person has not replied.

I do NOT have the right to bombard him with further information if he does not wish it - even though I am very interested in his background.

Again this is not about a "child's" rights or any issues between parents. This is about being aware of people's feelings and treating them with care.

Namelessone - I agree that it is for the family to tell their own children anything they feel they need to.

As a small family group we have been forbidden to look into the family of someone's partner. It is up to them to tell their own children, if they so wish, of any family secret or shame. It would be very wrong of us to do it for them.

In my Oh's family, once We told that we knew a certain fact about a direct ancestor wonderful information was forthcoming.

SueMaid it is your choice how you deal with it.
I'm only giving you my experience but I can understand both sides of the coin.

I just feel that a child's rights to know is paramount over any issues parents may have.

My cuz in AUS who started a tree from his side (mums family) told our uncle when he was alive that he was born out of wedlock.The whole family were shocked. His son came to England and asked me to get dad's original birth cert for him. Had to laugh, a 70 year old man saying he was told as well but couldn't ask his dad about it . Nor ask grandma.

Though he now understands why his dad used two different names at different times in his life. It was cuz's wife who was more upset when she realised their family name was not their true name.

I also have to consider the feelings and privacy of living relatives.

I think it's important to weigh up whether giving someone sensitive info may alter their relationship with family. As an example I made a decision to tell one of my relatives that my grandfather was a bigamist, had either of my uncles been alive still I would have hesitated to tell them, they didn't know and it might have 'made a lie' of all they felt their parents to be.

I have only 'found' one distant relative via FB, who had once been a member here which is how I found her name, and then sent her a photo of her gt gt grandfather, my great grand mother's brother.

NS I had to tell a young man that his father passed away ten years ago. This isn't about fighting or bad mouthing but about being sensitive with a young man's feelings.

I'm very relaxed about rellies - I completely ignore all the fighting and bad mouthing of anybody. I can't feed historic bitterness - so sad sometimes what happens in peoples lives

I've no quarms about telling any of them the facts of my findings. Some people seem to feel that they have to be careful about what they disclose.
I found that rellies living in other countries are excited to find out anything even if it is terrible.

Honestly I can say with hand on heart, that in all the cases I had to deal with which fall under the supposed sensitive heading I never had any repercussions. It is the half siblings or missing parents that have had me near to tears at times but the info passed on has been more than welcomed.

By the way Jax do you really look like Ms. Pollard? ;-)

Well I haven't heard from my cousin yet but I have had contact with a great nephew we didn't know we had. I have to go slow with this one as he has half siblings he doesn't know about. Sadly I had to give him some bad news :-(

I had an aunt...my mums sister send me a friend request....I ignored it :-D

That was in the days when you would get a message notification......had she said something first I might have accepted.

I dont ever remember having a conversation with this person as I was still at school when I last saw her

"Like" :-D

Oh good then I will see them too tra la.. oh you with the lovely grandchildren..
:-) :-) :-) :-)

Thanks NS.

To whom are you referring, dear Persie? ;-)

Following Jax's comments I have invited my cousin to go on my friend's list

:-)