Genealogy Chat

I posted a thread in November asking for advice about approaching a lady that could possibly be the birth mother of a friend. I was advised to email the lady, especially as my friends details were added to her tree (assuming I have the right lady).

I emailed the lady on 18th November and twice thereafter and unfortunately she hasn't opened any of her emails. Does anyone have any ideas as to what to do next ??

I gave my friend details of the adoption register, but she is reluctant to add her name as she feels she is betraying her adoptive family.

Hope you can help.
Thanks
Jane

If they hav'nt been opened, it looks like she may have changed her email address.

jax

If the messages have not been read, there is nothing further you can do through GR.

If your friend does not wish to add her details to the register, she will just have to let the matter drop.

Although, I don't see any difference between adding her name to the register, and asking you to try to contact her possible birth mother.

Either way, she is seeking the same end result.

You could try doing a search on the Electoral Roll for her mother. I'm a bit out of data as to who is offering electoral roll look-ups, can somebody advice.

Meg

Over the past fortnight, I have located perfect matches with persons shown in 6 different GR family trees.

I have had responses from 2 of the members, but the messages sent to the other 4 to view their GR family trees are unopened.

Presumably, there's nothing more that can be done to progress the outstanding requests ? (I've allowed each access to my family tree)

Thank you all for your advice.

Jax - I did think that the lady may have changed her email address. I also thought that as the lady is 74, she may not be familiar with computers, and maybe a relative has put the information on for her.

Flick - I know what you mean, the end result is still the same, although I can see her way of thinking if I get a reply from GR, it's out of her control and therefore feels that perhaps it wasn't her that instigated it and would not be upsetting her adoptive family (although she gave me the information in the first place). If I could add her name to the register I would. I would really like her to get some answers especially as her son is quite ill at the moment and obviously family history would certainly benefit.

Madmeg - I've done a brief search on the Electoral Roll, without subscribing. I'm not really familiar with it and didn't seem to find the lady I was looking for which was very frustrating.

David - very frustrating knowing my lady hasn't opened her email. I suppose it's good that we are able to see whether they have or haven't, otherwise I would think I was just being ignored.

PigletsPal - I've thought allsorts too, the obvious being that she has died. I've tried a death search, but the death records only go up to 2006 approx, and there wasn't any entries up until then.

Thank you all for your advice. Perhaps my friend may add her name to the register in future, but then again you never know, if her mother is still alive, it may be too late by then. Oh well ....

Jane

I know 5 or 6 years ago my dad who is also 74 added his name on here.
Unlike me who has only ever had one email address (hotmail) he changes his every time he changes his supplier i.e virgin,AOL ect.

jax

I'm the same as you Jax, I've only ever had my hotmail address. I'd be too frightened to miss something by changing. Ha ha.

Jane

Jane, there are people on here who will do Electoral Roll Look Ups for you. Unfortunatley Wayne Trace seems to have hibernated so hope someone else can tell us who is currently doing them - you may have to post a separate message to ask.

If you want to give me the family details I can have a look on Ancestry to see if there is a tree there.

Margaret

I was in contact with Tracy last Sunday Margaret...she said she was still doing them but busy with work.

I have not noticed anyone else offering look ups recently

jax

How are the 'adoptive family' likely to know of the quest if your friend doesn't tell them?

To nitpick.........'betrayal' is in the thought, so she's too late to worry about that.

Not being judgmental, just trying to rationalise.

Hi all. Update as at this afternoon. A lady did an Electoral Roll Look Up for me and found the address of the lady I'm looking for. I have sent a brief letter to her this afternoon just asking if she is a member of GR and asked if she is the lady that I'd sent a couple of emails to which are, as yet, unopened. I didn't at this stage mention her daughter, I just said I was searching for her.

Flick - I know exactly what you mean. It is my friends' birth family that she is searching for, and she has the right to know where she came from. My friend is 52 and her adoptive sister is 70, so perhaps just doesn't want to upset her.

I will keep you all updated with any news. Thank you so much for your help.

Jane

"I have had responses from 2 of the members, but the messages sent to the other 4 to view their GR family trees are unopened."

Update: 3 of the 4 above have since registered some form of activity. 1 sending a message, another having read my request, and another allowing access to the family tree.

Hi David. Glad you have had some form of activity with your emails. Mine, as yet, remain unopened, but I will keep you posted.

Jane

Hope you get some success Jane. 70 isn't old these days, she may well respond, depending on her personal circumstances.

Meg

Hi Meg.

I'm going mad. My friend was born in 1952, making her 58. Her birth mother has just gone 75.

Update : I received a reply from the lady I was looking for yesterday. In my letter I mentioned that I was just searching for her. She replied confirming that all my details were correct. Unfortunately she didn't ask why I was enquiring, but she did say if she could be of any more assistance, to get in touch again.

I've written another letter just explaining how the situation came about i.e. my mentioning to my friend that I was into Genealogy and she mentioned that she would like to trace her family tree. I've given my friends details and have asked the lady if there is a connection.

Will keep you posted.

Jane

Heres hoping she will give you some information

Thank you. Me too.

Jane

Good Morning all

SUCCESS SUCCESS SUCCESS

I received a letter from my lady yesterday afternoon. She is the lady I have been looking for and she has been looking for her daughter for years but with no luck.

I want to say a big massive thank you to Anne Lee, who contacted me as she was a member of Tracesmart. She also gave me a few website names that people use to search for children that were adopted and suggested I look through those before writing to my lady in case she was already looking.

I will expand in more detail in a "Success Stories" post in the hope that Anne can help anyone in a similar situation.

Thank you all for your help and suggestions and for all those routing for me.

This site is fabulous xx

Well done to you Jane and good luck to your friend. I also found the birth mother for a friend and they met up. Although nothing wonderful became of it they both send birthday and Christmas cards to each other now

I love it when a plan comes together

Wendy x