Genealogy Chat

"Hi Genes thinks there is a connection, If you cant show me your tree what are you doing on genes.? " !!!!

this the latest in a string of messages...starting with sender "who are you researching?" answered by me politely with surnames

sender..."open tree request"

answered by me "I don't have a full tree on here, how do you think we are connected?"

"We are connected, whether that is close or distant, I have 1000s of names already" ( "PS Don't forget to open your tree !)

( Australia now in header...I have very few there and all recent and all known)

I explained once again that my tree is largely 'elsewhere' and asked for some names...but said I would open my tree anyway...trying to be helpful. I also asked to look at his tree thought I might get a clue!

he opened his tree, I looked..not one name that I could see of 'mine' so i asked again very politely if he could give me a name that he though connected us.

This morning rec' the message at top of this rant!

SO PLEASE if you are asking to see someone's tree be specific, say the why and the wherefore and DON'T nark at people who don't keep a tree on here that satisfies you, it is their money, it is their choice!

( 3rd cup of coffee to calm me coming up!)

I have just messaged him to say that I use GR for lots of things, to help other people with their tree, to help anyone who thinks they have a connection to mine and can give me a name to work from, to use chat, very occasionally to use search facility, to ask for help...but not for my tree and not for the Hotmatches that are so way out anyway...pointing out they match name.DOB, but NOT place of Birth..........and so often no 'match' at all.

Would you close your tree if you were me or persevere with him?!

Personally, I would not have let him see my tree until I could establish there was a connection that I was interested in following up, and that he was, from the tone and content of his messages, someone with whom I wanted to have as a contact.

Close your tree and I suggest that in future do not open your tree to anyone.

In such circumstances having established a definite connection I do not open my tree but send a report about the individual to the person with whom the connection exists.

I would close my tree. Sounds as if its just a name that has come up that he feels must be so unique and no one could possibly have the same name so must be connected to his tree somehow . lol
It my books the responses he has given are rude & insulting and I personally wouldnt have any more to do with him.

i dont have my full tree on here either, got fed up with putting new info on twice both on my FTM and here. I do offer a print out from my FTM when I establish a connection for the side of the family the connection is. I have opened my tree to quite a few people after we confirm a connection but now as my research has taken wings!! I offer the FTM printout more often .

I've just been checking through his tree but can't find one surname to match, so have messaged that I can't help unless he gives me a name. Not had anyone like this before lol.

People seem to be getting ruder and ruder! I know there are a lot of people out there who don't understand how the Hot Matches work, and some people seem to think it is me who have sent them the hot match and therefore have a clue what they are talking about when they send me a message like 'John Brown - sorry but I do not think there is a match.' mmm yep, I know and I wouldn't have messaged you anyway....

I think Genes needs to be a bit better at explaining how things work and that just because people may have their trees on here, does not mean you automatically have the right to view it.

I once had a series of emails from one woman constantly sending me tree view requests and when I replied to her each time saying there was no match she would send the automated reply of 'Sorry this is not my ancestor' She had opened her tree to me and I took a peek and found out she was in her 60s and I couldn't believe she was being so childish and petty!

I also dont like it when someone messages me, it's not a match but I help them out as they are stuck, yet they still seem to think there is a connection and keep sending me tree requests and never actually reply to say thank you for the help I have given them pointing them in the right direction.

Grr!

It is a personal choice as to whether you open your tree of not and I don't have a problem with opening mine but only after dong the initial sanity checks.

In fact I have contacts with nearly 300 members over several years, many with whom we share trees with each other, and to me that is one of the main reasons for subscribing to the site. There are also people I won't share with and there are others I will only send reports to. Each request is judged on its merits.

He's probably tee'd off because of the cricket result!!!!!!

Rose

Tell him to send me a message like that & trust me I'll tell him what im doing on here lolol

I agree with IGP it is a personal choice whether a tree is shared. I had a hot match who came up with a name the other week and said that he had shared his tree, please would I share mine. As it was a very distant relative I did look at his tree, saw that he had 15000 names on it. When I looked at the connecting name he had very little information. I decided I didn't want to share as the information I had was only taken off the usual census,but willingly typed out as much information as I could, in order for him to add to his tree. I didn't even get a reply acknowledging the information that I had sent. Fortunately most of the people I have had dealings with on this site have been more than helpful and I, in turn, try my best to help others.I only share my tree with people who I think are genuinely trying to sort out their family, not everybody elses. -Jle

IGP

"I don't have a problem with opening mine but only after dong the initial sanity checks."

Love it :-)

Chris

LOL

you show me yours!!

and I'll show you mine!

Bob

and so it continues this morning lol....I am "too suspicious"...along with a list of surnames I might have in my tree....nope not a one lol

Bob, I've decided he's not seeing mine...and I don't want to see his lol.

and in a final exchange when I again politely pointed out there was no connection, that I was only "suspicious" if at all, because of the inaccurate information I have seen on trees which have my grandfather married to the wrong person, and dead before my father was born and asked yet AGAIN for the name of the 'Hot match'

Mr Charming's response

"My latest count i have about 2500 surnames in my tree that arn,t all on genes if you think were not related think again ,i may know something you dont,Regards *** , i have a bad memory and have deleted the incomeing mail,And i cant waste anymore time with someone who must be senile or something ,Regards ***

Oh lovely! HE contacted YOU so he should know who he was referring to when saying there was a match and wanting to view your tree! I have to say I cant stand people who seem to think that having x number of people on their tree is some sort of outstanding achievement - especially when most of them aren't actually connected to them - the so called Name Harvesters.

I once made the mistake of opening my tree to someone in an offer of showing them how we weren't related, and they still thought we were and put in a load of wrong information and copied my father's entire paternal line including myself and siblings and then had even started working their way through my mother's family, thinking that my grandfather's uncle was the second husband of their great grandmother's sister or something. In the end after several messages asking him to remove my family from his tree and pointing out the correct people on censuses etc I had to ask Genes to remove it for me - which they did. Sadly he'd been in contact with a couple of other people who had started to copy the info onto their trees, but thankfully they were a lot more understanding and helpful and removed the information.

These days all living people on my tree are hidden and I only open my trees once a connection has been verified via message with as much detail as possible.

It's sad when the few seem to spoil it for the rest!

I would send a copy of the response to GR and ask them deal with it as they see fit - it is downright insulting.

I have IPG :) , I don't know why he just didn't say 'have you got 'Jane Doe' born 18 whatever' at the outset and I could have helped him without it getting to this state of affairs, i always try to help even if i know there is no connection.

I doubt very much that there can be a hotmatch, except in massive error, as having checked every surname on my tree on here ( limited number as it's all on paper or elsewhere) none of them match anything on his tree....very odd!

I had a lovely one a few months ago. When I asked why they thought we were connected, the response was "The surname is the same & they are from the same county"
(It´s a very common name in the county concerned!!!)

Marion

Hi all, when looking at possible "hot matches" I start off by asking if their so and so was married/daughter/son of my relatives family in order to establish a connectionI don;t ask to view their tree at that point and I don't give access to mine. A recent contact replied that yesthere was a connection, so rather than ask to view the tree I thanked him kindly for his reply and explained that I was having difficulty at this stage of my search in "proving" information (the name is very common in the county) so could they point me in the right direction to get the correct information and it would be much appreciated. The message has been opened but alas no reply, should I ask to view the tree do you think or give it the go bye?
advice much appreciated. M.