Genealogy Chat

Llamedos - you are such a special person, well done you - I know its a labour of love, however make sure you take care of yourself. I have only just found this thread and do not normally now make any comments, however I am greatful for you sharing your experience with the memory board.
My mother has dementia and unfortunately we have had to give in and she is now in a care home which specialises in her type of dementia. We too have made a photo album for her and she does respond to it - however I cannot find many photos from her early years - (she had a tendancy to take things out of the house in a carrier bag and dump them in bins, so I think most of the photos of my childhood have gone in the bin! ) You have now made me think yet again and I will get in touch with her family in Ireland to see if they have any which may help. It is a wicked illness and unfortunately seems to be on the increase.
Keep your chin up my love and as I said earlier look after yourself too, and if it gets too much scream at social services because they have been fantastic (yes I know - rare) in supporting us.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Guys,

Many thanks for your messages -
Huianotsohotnow - hang in there, you are doing a marvelous job under very difficult circumstances. I'm pleaseyour OH likes to look at photographs, and this helps his memory. May I suggest you write details on the reverse or each photo using a soft pencil - this never fades, and does not send stains through the photos. Very helpful, not jus for you, and your OH, but any person finding the book interesting - unfortunately, slips of paper get separated from the photos at times, and that ends up with faces looking out of photos without any names......best of luck.

To Lesley in Spain,

Please to hear that photos make a differenc ewith your mum - sad that many have been destroyed. However, don't give up hope - approach all your family members - some will have photos I'm sure. Approach her old school - maybe they have kept year photos of classes.....anything is worth a try. Where was she born - google 'old photos of tincurry' or whereever she was born.....it's amasing what you can find on the internet.

Above all, love and best wishes come to you with this message.

an excellend thread and well done Llamedos, i think your doing a fab ulous thing with the memory book

Stephanie

p.s. am intrigued with your posting name, is it welsh

Hi $tormcha$er

Thanks for your support - I have really found the key to my wife's memory through my Memory Book, and just want other carer's to give it a go....there's nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Don't be intrigued by my name - its not welsh - just try and spell it backwards, and all will be revealed!

What a lovely idea to help your wife.

Teresa

Llamedos, I also made a memory book for my father three years ago. He had vascular dementia. I would go through the book with him and he would talk about his parents and siblings and aunties and uncles. Luckily I had loads of photos and family stories that would trigger some wondeful stories which my brother would scribble down as fast as he could:)) Dad would often change direction without warning so my brother would write first and translate later. Sadly Dad passed away just over 2 years ago, but his memory lives on.

I think you are a very caring person firstly because of the way you care for your wife and secondly because you are prepared to help others who also care for someone with Alzheimer's or dementia. Good luck.

Sue x

Hi SueMaid,

Nice to hear that you made a memory Book for your dad, and that opened up his long-term memory. You must have gathered loads of information from your Dad's past life - all triggered by the old family photographs.

You were very lucky to have many such old family photos - I too, am in such a position, and I have completed my wife's Memory Book [No:1] which has 200 old family photographs. Now, I have almost completed memory Book [No:2] which starts when we met 54 years ago- right through to recent events. When finished, there will be around 400 memories for her to look at whenever she feels like doing so. This is usually at least twice a week, and she ALWAYS shows the book to any person who visits our home.

The carer's I feel sorry for [and their partners] are those who have very few, or no pictures of the past. I say don't give up - search the web, visit, or write to the schools your partner attended - there are many photos around, we just need to dig them out. Recently, I helped a person with his family history, and he mentioned that his grandfather lived in a certain street - now no longer there. Surprise, surprise, I found the street in question on the internet dated 1880 when his ancestor was living there!

Dear Llamedos
having just found this thread I wanted to say how much I admire the way you are dealing with this horrible disease. Your wife is a lucky lady to have such a wonderful caring person as you. You have such a great way of approaching the trials that life throws at us all. I hope that you have someone looking out for you in the way that you are there for your wife. You are an inspiration to us all.
Best wishes to you and your wife x

Hi there

Thankyou for a great post.

My partners nan is 70 in May and we think its the onset of Alzheimers she is having her 2nd test this week...Weve seen it for around 18 months but we thought it was her age.

Just to say thankyou for all the information, don't know what else to say...it's so hard to discribe how an healthy outgoing lady can deteriate in such a small amount of time its heartbraking...I will look into the posts that people have wrote

Shell

Hi Shell,

Best of luck with nan's 2nd test, but try and remain positive - Alzheimer's Disease is only a name. The onset can be very difficult to diagnos - this is because as we all grow older, our memory suffers to a degree.
With Alzheimer's the problem is usually with the SHORT term memory. rather than the LONG term memory [which is usually very good]

How many times have you run upstairs for something, got up there, and thought "What the hell am I doing upstairs" What you wanted has gone from your memory......this is normal as you get older.

Problems with short term memory include forgetting simple tasks like turning lights, gas, and water taps off. Can't remember where you have put your knitting - despite you had it in your hands a few minutes ago.
This list gets extended as the disease progresses. Eventually leading to being unable to cook, or shop, etc. This also comes with a great deal of frustration from the patient, and sometimes they t ake it out of you.
Here is where you have to be very brave, and positive. Try to help by suggestion - try to make it 'their idea'

Long term memory is really a blessing for you, and the ability of your loved one to remember their youth, family growing up, and all sorts of other family events is also good for the patient. Keep nan's memory going - it will pay dividends.

Good luck, and don't hesitate to contact me if you want any supports, or maybe just a chat.

Hello, I'm back!

Thanks to all members who have given messages of support, and understanding. There are many carer's out there who get little, or no support, and for them life is very tough. Many don't know which way to turn, or where they can get help. Some do get help, only to find that its only words - rather than action. Carer's really need practical help, and if they don't get it, and their health fails, then the government should understand that the one being cared for will have to be supported by someone else....?

I appreciate that genereunited message boards are for members seeking their families, or ancestors, and my original intention was to make members aware of how I managed to get so much more information from my wife by making her a "Memory Book" - an album of family photographs. Every time she opens her "Memory Book" she always finds something to surprise me - its like having a link with the past!

On advice from Margaret, I have now registered with the Alzheimer's Society website - I use the same name so that you can identify me. This site is dedicated to Alzheimer's patients, and their carer's.

I have had a very steep learning curve to get to where I am at this moment in time, and have made many mistakes along the way.

However, I am still here to help any person who is in the same position as myself.....just contact me.