Genealogy Chat

I'm writing to thank all members who have kindly responded to my original message, and thougt you might like an up-date. The "Memory Book" I have made for my wife is working REALLY WELL! She looks at it every day, and brings so much memories flowing back. This, in turn, improves her perspective, and makes her more positive. I also use other methods - one being that of DIVERSION - if something upsets her, I try to divert her mind to something else - maybe another memory we both share, or as a last resort - the Memory Book - both work! I try 101% to work WITH her - rather than AGAINST her - this means not confronting her, or trying to prove a point - its not worth it......just agree with her - go with the flow - suggestion is the word! Life is for living, and we all have to make the most of it, day by day. We are not unique, we have our moments like last night my wife said she would put the dishwasher on - great - gives her some independence - unfortuinately, she put a Washing capsule in the dishwasher - instead of a dishwasher tablet - result next morning - a flooded very frothy kitchen floor - we both laughed, and started to clean up. The list is endless, leaving lights on, not turning taps off, putting all the rubbish in our kitchen bin - then emptying the bag into the bin! Mislaying keys, money, spectacles, and all sorts of other things.

Life is still GREAT! We have to get on with life as it is - just think POSITIVE.

Finally, teletext said yesterday that there has been a great breakthrough in a new drug for Alzheimer's - I hope its true, and the government get it approved sap. The last research which gave hope was in 2006 when reasearch at [I think] Glasgow university came up with a similar drug, but NIC E said we would have to wait until it had been tested before release.....that's interesting - there are a lot of Alzheimer's sufferers, and cares who would willingly take part in a trial of the drugs - we have noting to lose.....the governemt have everything to gain by reducing the financing of care.

Llamedos I have always said who cares for the carers ,,I agree what you say about the carers allowance is disgusting as if they were in care home it woud cost at least n£350 week or more so thats £300 + the goverment save by family looking after them ,,
,they should do more for carers ;;;good on you dear doing what you do for love
I have been there with couple of members of my family that I have cared for now I need care its waste time hubby putting in for allowance for the reasons you have said ;;
And yes my uncles could remember years ago better than yesterday or who I was

Babs

This message also posted on General topics - For carer's

Further to my previous message, I have noted that some carer's [on General Topics - Carers] refer to the modest carer's allowance of just under £50 per week, and I would likfe to clarify how you can become eligible for such a benefit.

First of all, any person can claim carer's benefit if they are below retirement age - currently just under £50 per week - even though the person requiring the caring does not live with them, and they can be quite a distance away from each other. The benefit is not means tested, or taxable. HOWEVER, if the applicant for carer's allowance is in receipt of their Old Age Pension, they can still apply, but the carer's benefit will be classed as a 'compensating benefit' and their OAP will be reduced by the amount of the carer's benefit they receive.....in other words, you are no better off. Worse still, any reduction in their OAPension will effect any further percentage increases. Social Services state that being in receipt of a Carer's Allowance opens 'other doors' to more benefits - to date. I have not found any benefit I can claim - with or without carer's Allowance.

The only help I have received from Social Services for my wife has been an additional stair rail, and the hire of a bathing aid.

Social workers have suggested that I persue my hobby of painting, to give me some respite, , and they will provide a person to sit-in whilst I'm at the classes - that's OK.

Got an application to join the local authorities painting classes, and find I will have to fund the full cost [approx £120] myself - no reduction for being a carer, pensioner. HOWEVER, if I had just been released from prison, I could join the painting class for FREE!

Thankfully, we can manage without such help, but there are others who need that bit of support, and sadly, they are not getting it.

Just think how much the governemt are saving every year by NOT having to pay any benefits to those carer's over pensionable age - plus we are saving the government from the cost of care.

I hope the above will help some carers in getting what they deserve.

Finally, I am my wife's carer 24/7 because I love her, and I know she would do the same for me, if the situation was reversed. We laugh and cry together, we have good days, and not so good days, but we both think life is precious, and start and end of every day with a kiss and cuddle - magic

There was a documentary on tv showing how a rest home helped dementia sufferers.

The residents lived in apartments set up as if it was the 50s. A resident was able to do more for herself in this environment because this was what she knew. Even cooking. Obviously the resident was early stage dementia but it was hoped the familiar surroundings would help to cope

A worker told me her father who was an accountant could still add up right until the final stages but couldnt do other newer things. As said its the short term memory that goes first.

Hi Llamados

Both my mum and my aunt had Alzheimers. Mum died in November. I well know how hard it is. I hope you have used the Alzheimer's website, I might meet you on there!

It is actually amazing what someone with AD can remember, even at quite an advanced stage. My mum told me things that I imagined were rubbish and they turned out to be right.

I have recently commenced doing the family tree of my daughter's fiance. He has two "nans". One is mentally alert, the other has AD. It is amazing how accurate the nan with AD has been with her recollections. The other nan, who is interested in the family history, has often been wildly out, but the AD nan has come up with some stunning gems.

Never write a person off. The past is always there.

Good luck Llamedos. See you on the Alzheimers site.

Margaret

i am just filled with admiration for you and your wife. what a wonderful couple you must be. and i know how had it is to be a full time carer so my heart goes out to you. thanks for sharing this with us and i also am a good listener so if you ever have the need just drop me a line.
cheers linda x

Glad you have taken a negative problem and found a positive aspect to it Llamedos,its good to look on the positive side of life, it makes things much easier, well done on taking care of your wife, and as you say, she is helping you by remembering info from way back.

The best of wishes to you both.

Regards
Sandra

I know a lady of 89 who is suffering memory problems like this. I find that her memory for events that happened years ago is spot on.

Rather than dementia, I like to think that her memory store has filled to overflowing so that there is no capacity to take any more memories in.

Best wishes to you and your wife.

Llamedos, this is such a helpful post I wonder if you would also put it on the thread on General 'Carer's thread' ? Just thought that someone who looks in on that might find it useful.

Rose x

Lovely post Llamedos x

As a 24/7 carer for my wife, who is suffering from Alzheimer's Disease, I would like to explain how I have overcome the problems associated with memory loss [or dementia]. ALSO, how this has helped me with my Family History Research.

First, I have to explain that being such a carer is not easy,
but there are many pleasurable moments too. One tool I have found very useful is stimulation - I have made a 'Memory Book' for my wife - it includes many family photographs. When she picks the book up, she immediately starts to remember events which happened many years ago - with great accuracy. Family facts pour out, dates, times, or maybe just a story from the past.

This is also valuable information from the past, and very useful to members wanting to know more about their loved one's past.

You have to understand that a person suffering from Alzheimer's or Dementia, only have a problem with their short term memory - like what they had for breakfast, where they went yesterday, what day of the week, date, or time it is.

However, the wonderful bonus is their ability [in most cases] to recall their past memories with great accuracy. THIS is where my "Memory Book" comes to life - my wife looks at the photographs, and can almost immediately start to talk about past times - good and bad, family stories, and many other interesting things. This book works - direct questioning never works.

I hope this helps other members who are trying to obtain information from elderly relatives [with, or without Alzheimer's]

I wish you good luck in your research.

ALSO, should any member find themselves in the same position as me - I am a good listener.